I have been in the United States in the ballpark of 5 years. I came here as a student at a certain university in America's heartland, and now have a secure job. So it's quite a moot point to even say that I am not thinking of going back to Nepal. However, I still love my country and make it a personal goal to visit Nepal at least once annually. My parents have gotten a bit old and their wellbeing is always on my mind. I try to send a couple of hundred dollars to them on a monthly basis if my financial situation allows it. I talk to them by phone every week. Lately, it has come to my attention via my aunt that my parents have been searching for a prosprective groom, who in fact happens to be in Nepal. So I am in a quandary.
There is a secret that I have been hiding from my parents. I, by no means, believe in abiding by antiquated beliefs like arranged marriage. So a couple of years ago, I decided to start dating. I dated mostly White people most of the time and never really met my match. I dated a few Indians and Nepalis as well. None of them had the qualities I was looking for. Then a few months later of this little adventure, I met a Pakistani man, who was in one of my classes. Being that he and I were the only South Asians in class, we already had one thing in common. We did projects given by our teacher together. This man was a straight-A student. With his chiseled looks of a Greco-Roman statue, he instantly managed to win over my heart. As I chatted with him, and learned more about this guy, I found out that I had almost everything in common with this guy. Our relationship was strictly platonic at that point. After a few months of dating, he professed his love for me. As our relationship flowered, it slowly took on a sexual dimension as well. In fact I lost my virginity to this guy.
He has recently proposed to me. I of course said yes. Now I am in a quandary. I am not sure how to let my parents know that I am going to marry a Pakistani guy. He has said that he also wants me to convert to Islam. I am okay with it, but I don't know how my parents would react as they are quite traditional. But my mind is set.

So how do I tell my parents? Can somebody help?
Thanks in advance.

You are already in love and are at a point of no return. You have already accepted the proposal. The best you can do is tell your parents about it and give them some time to settle.
I hope your future husband's family will embrace you.
Good luck.

Big Deal

it is indeed!!

dump him cos you have so many past experiences, and i dont think it would be a big problem for you. am i right?

Hey aaliah!
So you are in love with an Islam guy. I dont think it is really a big deal to be in love with a non-hindu man. But if he wants you to convert to Islam and all that do u think you can abide with all their rules and everything? I mean as long as he can accept you for what you are I think you can go ahead and think in a long term way. I strongly believe that you are what you are! IF you marry someone out of your nationality and religion does not convert you!(at least thats what I believe). If he is not ready to compromise in this aspect do you think that he will be able to compromise with you family and their tradition. If he really loves you then I think he should be happy with you the way you are. I think someone who totally tries to change you and your identity is not a guy worth sacrifising your identity for.

Well about your parents.. I think that parents always want what is good for their kids. I mean they will not do something that will make you unhappy.. so if you can convince them that this is the guy for you then I think they will go ahead and accept him (though it may take some time!). The main problem I see in your situation is though that he is trying to change who you are. Right now you are his gal and you are not bound by anything strong to bid to his desire in every step. But once you convert and marry him I am sure that there will be several other things you will need to compromise with. Are you sure that he is going to meet you half-way in everything or will he make you compromise totally as he is doing now? Do you think that he will convert to Hinduism if thats the only thing that will save your relation?

Think ten times before taking a big step. Think how you are going to handle the difference between your families. You should also think of your family and keep in mind if they are going to be hurt if you totally exlude them out of your life (I mean that in a religious way). I mean if your parents cannot celebrate occasions and the happiness it brings for them with you they might feel hurt. You mght also feel pressured when you have to follow the ways that converting to Islam will bring. I mean as long as he was happy with you for what you are it would be great BUT dont u see the fact that he is trying to change you? DONT only think about now.. think about later too. The rest is upto you! Telling your parents isnt the biggest dillema you are dealing with now as I see it. Sorry if I offended you!

I think it would be easier to tell them in person next time you visit Nepal than it would be tell them over the phone, when you cannot see their facial reactions and cannot adjust the rate of telling them based on how they are reacting...

Another thought... is there any chance your fiance might be traveling to South Asia soon? Get him to casually visit your parents bringing mail from you (so they get a first sense of there being a connection between you two, and they won't be as suprised...)

The key thing is for your parents to come to the understanding that this is the special person you have chosen (for good reason), and to see him for who he is, without first creating a picture of him based on their stereotypes (whether of a foreigner, or a Pakistani or whatever).

I guess you will have to accept that they won't be happy at the start, but most parents come to accept it over time when their parents marry someone who does not meet THEIR imagination of what an ideal son in law should be like...

Well said Shiv,sis and Arnico..

Its not your parents you should be worried about, if your man insists on you to convert...then there is surely something missing. Perhaps RESPECT for you?

Hi Guys,
Rythm is exactly great guy.His view is really accepted for everybody's life. I think if aaliyah marry with that pakistani guy she will get hell. I am 100% sure aaliyah is happy with physically in this moment but she has not think about future.
my view is that think future and if she can accept every thing what ever that pakistani guys will do on her life then no body has to say anythings. if not then there is no life for aaliyah.
as for parent, aaliyah better tell in person , not by phone.


with best of luck

I wonder why guys are replying to this thread.... can't you see? this is a thread started by a Male with P@nis.

This thread is the results of frustration of some Nepali guys in USA who have been seeing these nepali gals (influenced by Pakistani dharabahik on NTV tec. back in Nepal) going after Pakistani guys in USA.. ha ha....and some of them had to change religion to Islam..haha..

Prem dai...by taking time to jot down few words of wisdom in this thread, and going by your own reasoning...you are also one of the "frustrated nepali guys in USA" ho? ;)

Hey guys,
why are you fighting each other. this place is just put your views on the case only. No need to worry about anythings.
who know who is who.
so do not augre about anything

Rythm is exactly great guy.His view is really accepted for everybody's life.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deltagamma.. thanks for saying I am great... tara the error in your statement is.... It should have been a "HER views" not "HIS views".. :D

rhythm is right. there is a very good chances that you will lose your identity. i know one nepali girl who married pakistani guy and now she is totally muslim, she even changed her name. i dont understand why muslims wants their wife to convert to their system and religion after marrying her. so think carefully before making decision.

Follow your instinct....foresee your future...if you think marrying him makes you happy forever....do it!

I think INTERCASTE mariage (heaven forbid INTERCULTURE marriage) should NOT be practised and therefore should be banned.
Think about this, if we are to be okay with this type of mixing, after about 50 years or so, there would be no diversity in the world. Everyone would look alike. Half the world would look like indians and the other half orientals. Gross!
We should start working on preserving our pure culture and gene pool. If we dont act on this who will? It might should very orthodox and "pakhe" but at this present time and age, its started to come up as a very divine mantra to self-preservation and self-respect.

--BV

VincentBodega, above all you said, comes humanity. Why can't people look at others as another human who has the same color blood as yours, who can think, and who can feel just like you? Instead of tryin to create harmony in the world, you tryin to divide it?? Shame on you!!

peace

VINCENTBODEGA IS CRACKHEAD.....A$$ HOLE....

yes humanity comes above all, but not in this topic. This topic of mating with everything and anything that suits one's fancy is dictated by lust than humanity. Why can't we practise humanity marrying someone from our own caste and culture? Have the people from one's culture and custom fallen too short for you that you have to look outside?
Shame's on you, for not Identifying the growing crisis of identityless society. I wouldn't want to live in a society where I look, think, feel and act the same with the rest of the people. Thats very boring. Stop this mixing.