I have been in the United States in the ballpark of 5 years. I came here as a student at a certain university in America's heartland, and now have a secure job. So it's quite a moot point to even say that I am not thinking of going back to Nepal. However, I still love my country and make it a personal goal to visit Nepal at least once annually. My parents have gotten a bit old and their wellbeing is always on my mind. I try to send a couple of hundred dollars to them on a monthly basis if my financial situation allows it. I talk to them by phone every week. Lately, it has come to my attention via my aunt that my parents have been searching for a prosprective groom, who in fact happens to be in Nepal. So I am in a quandary.
There is a secret that I have been hiding from my parents. I, by no means, believe in abiding by antiquated beliefs like arranged marriage. So a couple of years ago, I decided to start dating. I dated mostly White people most of the time and never really met my match. I dated a few Indians and Nepalis as well. None of them had the qualities I was looking for. Then a few months later of this little adventure, I met a Pakistani man, who was in one of my classes. Being that he and I were the only South Asians in class, we already had one thing in common. We did projects given by our teacher together. This man was a straight-A student. With his chiseled looks of a Greco-Roman statue, he instantly managed to win over my heart. As I chatted with him, and learned more about this guy, I found out that I had almost everything in common with this guy. Our relationship was strictly platonic at that point. After a few months of dating, he professed his love for me. As our relationship flowered, it slowly took on a sexual dimension as well. In fact I lost my virginity to this guy.
He has recently proposed to me. I of course said yes. Now I am in a quandary. I am not sure how to let my parents know that I am going to marry a Pakistani guy. He has said that he also wants me to convert to Islam. I am okay with it, but I don't know how my parents would react as they are quite traditional. But my mind is set.

So how do I tell my parents? Can somebody help?
Thanks in advance.

Oh mannnnnnnnnnnnnn...

Aaliya:

do you understand anything about Islam at all? In Islam... conversion is not appropriate unless u yourself acknowledge the need to be so and can not be forced. let your bf know taht too. and by the way.. you have already violated the code of islam... premarital sex! Anyways..... if you feel comfortable enough to have sex with that man.. u must be pretty serious. but know one thing..... IT IS DEFINITELY difficult to survive in another culture..regardless of your concversion to islam or his conversion to hinduism. . so be prpared.. Good luck!

Hahahahhaha, okay, I read the whole goddamn thread. Nepalis are funny as hell.
So I guess it's okay to go clubbing and show your punani to everybody like a whore, but dating a Pakistani is a strict no-no.

WE Nepalese, .......
simply we are the best, the way we react, the way we curse, anything we do is simply hillarious.

You are making the biggest mistake of your life. I have seen similar mistake done by one nepali girl who was fell in love with this paki guy. Despite being such an educated, he treated her as any muslims. 1st it started with conversion to islam then giving up on personal freedom. Now she is in Pakistan with her conservative muslim in-laws, and she hasn't been able to contact her parents for years now, who by the way already have dinnounced her for marrying muslim. Many of you might say this is one instance. You may be right, but think about it, it will be hell for an indepedent Nepalese woman to be live in islamic law. Wise man once said "love is blind...but doesn't have to dumb".

If you can't tell your parents, give that honor to your paki BF-he can convince your parents like he did U to convert to Muslim. In your part, get the no. and call your BF's families and find out you are 2nd , 3rd, or 4th in his life. Seems like U chose paki coz of size.shame on you. U are degrading yourself and nepli.

Girl, wake up!

Tell u the truth, nobody can give you an advice.

This is ur life and u should know better.

my only advise to u is be honest with urself.

Anyway, whatever u do you have my best regards.

Convert to muslim religion...it is better than hinduism...hinduism is the religion where you go worship a cow and if takes a shit on you and you then have to worship that shit...hence teh term "holy shit"...islam on the other hand, is a true religion....one that is not polythestic...actually, hinduism is more like a cult to me...than an organized religion..and its followers lack common sense..


allah akbar

Om Shanti...:)

first of all how can u ever go out with a paki guy? anyway..its too late to ask u this now but tell u what..stay away from this guy n leave him NOW

Wow, I am nonplused by some comments posted in this thread. Frankly, I did not expect so many comments, full of invectives directed at Muslims. Unlike some people on this board, I am not a bigot. I respect all cultures equally, be they Afram, Islam, Western, Buddhist or Hindu, as does my boyfriend who is one of the most open-minded people I have ever met. He is one of those Muslims that believe Islam needs reforms. He absolutely despises how some Muslim females have been treated in the Muslim world. He has in fact told me about the antediluvian practice of female circumcision in the Muslim world and how disgusted he is by it. He is an extremely smart, caring individual. My boyfriend, as I said, is a liberal Muslim through and through. So making sweeping statements about Muslims only sheds light on the bigotry rampant in our own Nepali society. I frankly do not understand why people are angry at me as well. This is America--land of the free and home of the brave. Interracial/Intercultural marriage has been legalized for 40 odd years now. Remember MLK, who led millions of blacks through the streets of America to protest against institutionalized racism? So please think twice before posting bigoted remarks about other cultures and ethnicities.
To clarify, yes, he did ask me to convert to Islam. However, he has told me that he would in fact be okay if I opted to remain a Hindu, but I have made the decision to convert. His parents are religious and marrying a Hindu would only create friction between his parents and me. I do not want that. Furthermore, this is one of those white lies that I will have to tell my parents. The problem here is that my boyfriend's parents are in the United States, while mine aren't. So convincing them is the first priority.
I will of course have to face the music soon and let my parents know as well. I am confused and lost. I live in a small town in the Mid-west where there are virtually no Nepalis. It is in fact at least 95% White with a smattering of minorities here and there. The only contact I have had with Nepalis was when I was a college student. Therefore, I thought that perhaps it would be a good idea to ask fellow Nepalis about my situation. I, however, never thought bigotry is so rampant in Nepal, especially against Muslims and blacks.

As I am busy, I can only post on weekends. I never thought this site was this popular. Furthermore, I do not know who "Hussain Khan" is. He is just trying to incite hatred.

Aaliyah,
I had an intuition that you and your problem are genuine unlike Hussein Khan. It is quite good to hear that your boyfriend is open-minded and willing to accomodate and tolerate other religions and cultures. You could never find a better man than him. I am also shocked by the amount of hatred in this thread incited towards a different religion. I am pretty sure its a common case in South Asia, be it Nepal, Pakistan or India, where people have morbid phobia and outright hatred towards other race, religion, ethnicity and creed. Certain posts in this thread are quite stereotypic, biased and one-sided. If you can be happy after converting, go ahead, but please do not show contempt and look down upon your original religion and countrymen. I believe even the so called opposite and conflicting religions can exist in harmony if humanity is kept in the forefront. In fact, we are first humans before we belong to any religion. Every religion has good and bad qualities, and it is high time that we abandon obsolete views and fill them with pertinent ones. As you said your boyfriend wants to reform certain things in his religion, he seems to be a modern and smart individual. It has also become necessary to reform certain practices in our own. I pray to God that you will easily be able to convince his and your family as well and have a good life with him.

Hmm, like I said, if he's open minded and loves you, you're set. I just thought he ws hardcore like the other "stereotypical" muslims. I think you should definitely marry him and please yes, do tell your parents as early as possible. Boy, I just can't imagine what your parents will go through.
HAPPY MARRIAGE!!!

Wish you all the best,
But the rest depends on His Parents more than yours :-)
Anyway I didnt like the concept of converting urself to islam .
Aahmmmmmmmm........since he is the one who is tryin 2 convert U too Islam.
Think twice b4 U .. make ur excitement come true.........
"Haatar ma Garera Fursat ma Passtauna na Paroossss"
:-)
Auta Nepali ko Haaisiyat le Vhaneko feriiiii yeslai Galat Roop ma na lenu..........
By the way I am not anti-islam :-)

Eju

"Remember MLK, who led millions of blacks through the streets of America to protest against institutionalized racism?"
You couldn't say it better Aaliyah.It is time that we place humanity before our religious beliefs.I am proud to see a Nepali "Rosa Parks" in the making.A liberal muslim is rare but their voice are as astronomical as that of Salman Rushdie's words.Remember Salman is dating a hindu actress Padma-Laxmi.Islam needs reform so does every other belief system including our own.Reformation always starts with our mind.There is deficiency of tolarent minds.
As long as your BF maintains his liberal views towards other cultures and treats you with dignity....there is no problem with spending rest of your life with him.
P.S:You have mentioned about America being land of the free and home of the brave.America and the world has a long way to go to materialize their dreams of social justice.MLK dreams are far from reality in America.I am just warning you American freedom looks as real as plastic fruits but for the foreigners/immigrants esp. after 9-11 that are are not eatable.
One-sided and biased posts as you have witnessed above are the main reasons our society is facing insurgency from our brothers and sisters.We have a long way to go sister.
Hope you a happy married life.

Glad to know that Aaliyah is real. Certainly, changing religion can ease your life as ur kid will also likely 2 be muslim. Happy Married Life n' hopefully ur parents can see the reality n' broaden their mind. Agreed on Izen's words.

Glad to know that Aaliyah is real. Certainly, changing religion can ease your life as ur kid will also likely 2 be muslim. Happy Married Life n' hopefully ur parents can see the reality n' broaden their mind. Agreed on Izen's words (reasons behind our poverty n' suffering is our petty mind).

I have never met a Pakistani but I do have a bangladeshi friend and I'd say he is
an all right guy. even though he does have many "guffs" (ek no. gafaadi ho) but so is my nepali friend here. The only difference between them being that one is 6'4 while the other is 5'0.
The only thing that comes to me after reading all these posts is "We are still stuck in the medieval times."
The fight is still on , the crusade raves on.
Christians plundering in war in the middle east, hindus attacking muslims, muslims still stuck in that strict and self-destructing model.
It will only do us good, if we can think with our neo-cortex and realize that all this hate only produces more hatred and will ultimately harm yourself more.
Much like newton's third law, (every action produces an equal and opposite reaction), you will affected more by your hatred than others. Greed only produces more greed.
Hate rapes you..........

One of my fren dated a pakistani (AMerican) gal. She was cool. But she had to break up with my fren. Religion came into middle. Her family wanted my fren to change the religion. SHe was in ROTC, finally moved to Texas and broke up.

THe point I am trying to make is that there might be issues. THe dude and you will have to deal with these issues. The people in the mosque, the one your boy goes to might create problem. Thats what happened in frens case.

ANyways all the best.

peace out

Interesting thread. I would also like to remind Aliyah that most people over here just warned you to see how he was. I do not think this is only stereotype or prejudice of people against Islam or muslims, it rather is what we have heard and witnessed in the past. If your guy isnice then good for you.. but if it was for me I would also think about the impact it would have on my parents to see me convert. Maybe you have a different opinion and see it wi th a different perspective, but it would crush me to see my parents bear the pain. It might not be a big deal to you but the way they see it.. it would be a HUGE thing. Marrying into some other religion would be a big shock and converting?.. ooh that would be tough. But ppl are different maybe your parents are open minded too!

f@#k musaltey. that is one thing i stand by.

and yeah if changing your " dharma" about which i myself dont give crap about is f@3ked up. a man is born in one and dies with that. i got no problem going to a church and praying or going to some synogouge or whatever its called and i surely did not have any problem bowing my head in from of the jama masijd in ghantaghar.. but now yeah, i do have a problem with bowing my head to a muslim faith and NOT any other faith in the world. having respect for another faith dont mean you have to change yourself.

and yeah F@#k whatever i told above, but remember, if changing your religion is the price your "bf" asks you for and you want to pay then yeah good luck for your F@#king compromised misery, i ll be happy to see you cry all your life for sure cause thats what you are heading for and thats what you ll get and again if you dont i wish you do.