I was reading this thread that asked:
"Why am I so bloody lazy?"
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=94792

And I realized that many of us are feeling lazy and lethargic because we are confused about whether we should live in Nepal or in America.

I went back to a time when I was asking: Is America heaven or prison for us Nepalese?
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=84578

Us Nepalese have been in motion for a while now. We have been leaving Nepal to go to foreign countries for decades. Nepalese workers of all kinds and Laure Gurkha solderiers have gone to foreign countries. And these foreign gone Nepalese workers have returned back to Nepal with wealth and money for their family and community. In this way the community is enriched, family is enriched. This has been going on for many decades, if not further back.

Everytime Nepal's economic difficulties happen, droves of Nepalese leave for foreign countries. And everytime Nepal stabilizes, Nepalese return back to their home country so that they can pursue money making in their own country.

We want to pursue money making and building our careers in Nepal. But we can't.

That is why so many of us are conflicted and confused about whether we should go back to Nepal or stay in America:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=84578

And I read this thread that asked us how it is that we motivated ourself while living in America:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=94488

I noticed that many Nepalese, not just me, are struggling with motivation. Many of us feel that we are being lazy.

So I started to start thinking that there are two kinds of Nepalese. One Nepali is motivated by the fire in his stomach. And the other Nepali is motivated by the fire in his heart. And I started to see...the Fate of the Confused Nepali.

Can two contradictory forces paralyze motivation?

In other words think of a young child. His parents are fighting. He respects both his parents. But all of a sudden his parents ask him to pick sides. Ouch. Painful. So now he is torn. His motivation is paralyzed. He loves both. He cannot choose. But the parents are adamant that he can't have both. How is he supposed to choose between them?

Now imagine that the two parents are not individuals but rather two groups. Two groups of peers. This is middle school. And the two groups of peers are putting pressure on the individual. The individual must choose sides. There is no middle ground. The political environment of the school is poloarized and charged. There is no room for the middle.

And let's up the ante a bit more. Let's say that one of the groups are Nepalese that are motivated from the starvation from the stomach.
And let's say that the other group of Nepalese are motivated by the starvation from the heart.

And let's say that there are Nepalese who haven't adamantly chosen either polar group but rather find themselves in the middle--you know, the confused Nepalese. Could the sheer force of the two polar groups paralyze the confused individuals in the middle?

In other words think of the confused individual in the middle as a little iron ball. And the confused Nepalese (the iron ball) as those who are swinging from Nepal to America. And then the other confused Nepalese (the same iron ball) are swinging from America to Nepal. So because of their confusion, they are swinging like a pendulum from Nepal to America. And then the other confused ones are swinging from America to Nepal.

At first this iron ball is in Nepal. He identifies with the Nepalese with a hungry stomach. Life in Nepal is very tough. You have to do whatever you need to struggle and survive there. You have to do hook or crook.

This individual will do whatever it takes not to 'Drown in Kathmandu:'
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=90784


But now life in Kathmandu has become very difficult. There is Maoist threats, Bandhs happening all the time, load shedding, no water, poltical chaos and economic chaos. So this individual wants to escape from all of this.
He swings like a pendulum. He swings from the magnet called Nepal and swings towards the magnet called America.

And this is how many of us have survived in America in a white collar job:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=93915

Or we have survived in America in a blue collar job:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=84971

I was reading this thread that asked: Does Being Isolated (in a foreign country) make you psychologically weaker?
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=87446

And I was realizing that it is all this pain that makes us want us to return back to Nepal and to be able to pursue our money-making and career business without it hurting us in anyway.

Many of us are confused about whether we should live in Nepal or America.

And this confusion leads to lethargy and laziness. We don't know what to do.

Homey,

I'm going to use your model to explain one story that I had written a while ago in sajha:

Position G: Living In America

Position A: Living in Nepal

Here is the story of someone who went from Position A to Position G. And then because he was dissatisfied with being in Position G, tried to move towards Position A. But he didn't go all the way back to Position A (Nepal). He ended up staying in Thailand.  

Cultural Monopoly:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=89118

Position G: Living In America

Position A: Living in Nepal

Position D: Laziness and Confusion

If you lose both the Fire in the Stomach and the Fire in the heart, you end up in position D.

Everybody is confused and feels lost sometimes. This is normal. Short periods of feeling lost, sad, lack of motivation, laziness, need for downtime, etc, is normal. But when this happens for long long periods of time, it may indicate that you have a problem.

Symptoms of Position D: Excessive sadness, feeling lost, lack of motivation, laziness and confusion for long stretches of time over weeks and months can eventually lead to severe depression. Depression may lead to suicide.

Here are threads of members of sajha discussing their experiences in Position D:

Suicide:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=84713

Confusion:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=85087

Sadness and Depression due to identity crisis:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=85192

Here is someone who is sad and confused because they don't have all of this: sense of security and belonging and familiarity, love of home and family
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=84949

Lethargy and laziness and lack of motivation in general to do anything:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=94792

Khairey,

You said:
"Simlarly, you can attain the peace or stability while moving up the hierarchy of needs and after certain time. The more force of friction is applied (or exists), in less time the pendulum comes to rest. So, the more or sooner you move up in the hierarchy of needs, in less time you attain the peace."

My question to you:
Where does this high volume of friction come from?

 I also spent a lot of time and energy on this topic and, for my own peace of mind, came to the following conclusion: Wherever I live my goal should be to live a happy life. To live a happy life, I need to learn the art of living.

My mind doesn’t want to be at the present moment. It either goes in the past or rolls over into the future. Also, my mind gets attached to pleasant situations that I experienced in the past or something I wish to have in the future. Similarly, it generates hatred toward unpleasant situations that I faced in the past or something that might happen in the future. When my mind is indulged either in the past or in the future, how am I supposed to enjoy the present (the truth)? In fact, this is human nature and it applies to one and all.

One thing should be clear that ups and downs are going to happen no matter where we are. Therefore, running after pleasant situations or running away from unpleasant situations is nothing but having a restless state of mind. The restless mind brings misery, not happiness.

On the contrary, if we learn to live in the present, we would be more alert and can face difficult situations more effectively, could see things with more clarity, and the decision we make would be the right one. Otherwise, living in the US if we make future plans in Nepal without knowing the ground realities then chances of being successful are slim. While in the US, live happily and grab the opportunities that arise. If we have to go back to Nepal, great! Going back home and having an opportunity to give back to our community, country is a great thing. Again, we should live in the present and see what is missing. It gives original ideas and we can be very creative in solving difficult problems. In fact, research shows that people who are serving others are happier than those who work to fulfill their own needs.

Mind is very powerful. Trained mind serves oneself to live a happy life. Untamed mind makes us miserable, sick, depressed, lazy, and what not! We spend lot of energy fighting with our own minds. We only focus on outside objects such comparing Nepal vs. the US. In reality we are fighting with our own minds. We should be at peace with our minds and live a happy life wherever we decide to live. When we are happy then only we can bring happiness in others.

Well said HomLal!

Nice thread...

@Homyoji
High volume of friction comes from within oneself. How soon one realize what is the ultimate need of human beings. Check the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and those who are swinging wide (confused more), are probably in the bottom of the pyramid. This is just a natural phenomena in human psychology (including me). However high the friction is, it takes time to eventually come to rest. But if there is rapid swing and the tension of the thread in the pendulum could not resist the weight of the ball, then that suddenly breaks away before the pendulum attains the rest.

Khairey,

You said:
However high the friction is, it takes time to eventually come to rest. But if there is rapid swing and the tension of the thread in the pendulum could not resist the weight of the ball, then that suddenly breaks away before the pendulum attains the rest.

That is exactly what I was discussing with Geology Tiger in this thread:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=94536

Snurp,

I found your comment to be extremely offensive and so have deleted your comment.

So you don't even practice democracy in your own thread. Kudos to you man!

If you initiate a topic and you're not ready to hear criticism, especially to your misguided and misleading notion, what purpose do you serve? Instead of coming up with the reasoning behind your logic, you delete my comment? Wait! how old are you again? 

Homeyji I can't believe you actually deleted someone's comment because you could not take the pressure nor have the ability to counter his arguments.

Snurp I did not see your post but you should repost as new thread so open minded people can discuss, and self proclaimed intellectuals like Homeyji should be banned from that thread.

I'll quote Babal:

http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=93761

If sajha.com were a democracy...like Nepal...it would be dead by now. Can you imagine if sajha were a true democracy what would happen here? It would be total chaos. Sajha is not a democracy. It is a dictatorship. And here, San Pradhan is King. Don't like it? Leave. Go create your own social networking website based on your own rules of fairness.

You see, it is this that Nepal could not say and do in the process of creating a constitution. Nepali constitution makers, unlike San Pradhan, tried to satisfy all the people all of the time. And in the process they satisfied no one.

The problem with democracies is that they suffer from what we in software development call 'scope creep.' When you start taking everyone's viewpoint and requirement and need into consideration and try to satisfy everyone and make all happy...in the process, nothing gets done. In the end no one is happy.

Democracies have limitations. Democracies work when you have mature people with vision who can operate in it. Kindergarten can NOT be run democratically. Not all nations and all people have the maturity to operate in a democracy. For some of us, a strong dictatorship or monarchy works a lot better than a democracy.

This is the reason that sajha.com has not crumbled despite constant opposition. Sajha is a public service provided for the benefit for all Nepalese on the terms of its King/dictator: San Pradhan. This is the reason that it is functional, unlike the Nepali Government.

What does that tell you my friends?

 I dont think San Dai has ever deleted a comment just becase he didnt like it. There certainly has been some moderation when the integrity of Sajha was in question. Care to cite some threads home ji? 

I am not San Dai. Thank God. I can't imagine how stressful it must be to manage this whole site, trying to satisfy everybody.

Dialogue between Nepali Bandhars and the Nepali Public
http://nepalishealthy.blogspot.com/2012/01/dialogue-between-nepali-bandhars-and.html

mananiya mahodaya homeyji ,
                                                       hazor le thread chai ekdamai thought provoking nai nikalno bhako cha aba yo prasna hami sabai ko pabitra sano deemag ma aaien rahancha bela bela ma aba yo thought aaunu pani mero bichar ma swabhabik nai ho . khai ke garne garne thahachaina mananiya mahodaya homejii ya that's the word khoi ke garne ke garne and its normal we don't have many examples only example we have is karishma manandhar who went back nepal and still is able to get success that's it pretty much that's about it  there is no other good example . but again ur topic of the thread is fate of confused nepali its really  thought provoking . the answer to ur threat i have got is khai ke garne garne or khai  ke khai ke 
                       
                   yours sincerely 
                   jogi intelligentguy

 Confusion may or may not be PART of the problem, but I think a sure reason why people are LAZY is because .......... (wait for it).........
THIS ISNT TUNDIKHEL. 

Let me explain. You have no doubt seen our majestic tundikhel. Have you also noticed its day-time occupants? You know sitting in the sun, cracking peanuts, just wasting time, doing idle talk? THAT is what our society has turned into. confused? more like, confused if he/she should get off his ass and do some hardwork.

Putting that up there into perspective out here, in the USA. This is a fast moving place. you dont see kuires lazing about in their own tundikhels cracking peanuts and staring at the sun. If you do see them, either they have planned for that, or they are homeless.

Life in Nepal has conditioned us for unreasonable expectancy of free time. Breakfast khayo, ekchin paper padyo, lunch khayo, ekchin sutyo, chiya khayo, ekchin tv heryo, dinner khayo, majale guff garyo ago tapdai, ani sutyo. IF you want to have this sort of lifestyle, there should be no confusion, you are clearly in the wrong country!

Another reason is lack of social activities. I know two close friends of mine who are ALWAYS criticizing kuires. I mean, W...T...F man, you're in their land, you can't talk sh!t about them forever. You shouldn't be here if you don't want to change your outlook and learn something new. You know what mentality I'm talking about right? The Nepali Hepaity mentality. Everything else sucks our c*ck. With that smug attitude, how are you to mingle with khaires? Please take an initiative and talk to them, start a conversation, you will see they are very similar to us in feeling. They feel happy, sad, pissed off, but these emotions are triggered by a different set of things than what triggers them in us! 

Everything is an opportunity, including life. Dont waste your time being confused, act now. I have this nice quote that I'd like to share with sajhaites - 

Those who refuse to accept things, must look to change it.

and those who refuse to change things, must learn to accept it.

 Cacophonix,

It sounds like what you are saying is that is people need to find a positive solution that they can actively work work towards. It sounds like you are tired of seeing negativity around you.
What you seem to be saying is that it is not good enough for people to: in one extreme do this Negative activity:

Life in Nepal has conditioned us for unreasonable expectancy of free time. Breakfast khayo, ekchin paper padyo, lunch khayo, ekchin sutyo, chiya khayo, ekchin tv heryo, dinner khayo, majale guff garyo ago tapdai, ani sutyo. IF you want to have this sort of lifestyle, there should be no confusion, you are clearly in the wrong country!
http://www.healthcanal.com/mental-health-behavior/25245-What-happens-the-young-and-educated-without-job.html 

And in the other extreme do this Negatvity:
Another reason is lack of social activities. I know two close friends of mine who are ALWAYS criticizing kuires. I mean, W...T...F man, you're in their land, you can't talk sh!t about them forever. You shouldn't be here if you don't want to change your outlook and learn something new. You know what mentality I'm talking about right? The Nepali Hepaity mentality. Everything else sucks our c*ck. With that smug attitude, how are you to mingle with khaires? Please take an initiative and talk to them, start a conversation, you will see they are very similar to us in feeling. They feel happy, sad, pissed off, but these emotions are triggered by a different set of things than what triggers them in us! 

At a certain point people need to gain the maturity to do Positive activity. Is that what you're saying? 

 IntelligentGuy,

Karishma Manandhar is only one Nepali that has gone back to Nepal. There are many other Nepalese who have many different reasons for going back to Nepal:
http://www.afn.org.np/download.php?id=23

But everybody doesn't have to go back to Nepal in order to serve Nepal. There many many Nepalese who are serving Nepal by living outside of Nepal. Think about it, even BP Koirala at one point in his career was doing a lot of service for Nepal outside of Nepal. 

Look at our own San Pradhan and how much work and service he is providing the Nepali community by living right here in America. 

People say time is money. But does everyone who has lots of time necessarily have money? 

Freedom is not always the answer. These people have too much freedom:

http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?StartRow=21&PageNum=2&forum=1&threadid=94871#849534

Life in Nepal has conditioned us for unreasonable expectancy of free time. Breakfast khayo, ekchin paper padyo, lunch khayo, ekchin sutyo, chiya khayo, ekchin tv heryo, dinner khayo, majale guff garyo ago tapdai, ani sutyo. IF you want to have this sort of lifestyle, there should be no confusion, you are clearly in the wrong country!

Let me explain. You have no doubt seen our majestic tundikhel. Have you also noticed its day-time occupants? You know sitting in the sun, cracking peanuts, just wasting time, doing idle talk? THAT is what our society has turned into. confused? more like, confused if he/she should get off his ass and do some hardwork.

There are a lot of people in this world who have a lot of time on their hands. Too much time is as much a problem as having too little time.

If you watched this movie with Justin Timberlake, you will see the problems that come from having too little time:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_Time

There are many people who have too much time on their hands. They have too much freedom. They use that free time to abuse drugs, alcohol or do Nepal Bandhs. If these people were busy doing positive and productive things, then not only would they be doing good for themselves but they would be doing good for Nepal as well.

Do you disagree?