Hi All,

Been a frequent sajhagoer for the past year or so. Came across enjoyable and informative as well as threads that made no sense but its all fun. And there were threads dedicated to misfortunes in relationships. And this thread deals with similar fate. 

I have a story to tell and a question to seek answer for. Its a long story and would take days to narrate but I will keep it short. Was intimate with a girl for several years, exchanged all that romantic vows etc that culminated into marriage date. As the marriage date approaced nearer, I still had no savings (was working for meager salary) and could not keep my promise that resulted into her family forbidding her to break up with me. I was humiliated and talked down. I couldn't take all that and flew to US and worked hard. Again, we got back together and started to support both her and my family. Finally, I was able to go back home with a heavenly thought that we will tie the note and setlle down here. But who knew that she would take that step that will throw me, my family and friends right off the smooth sailing ship. It happened one day, after my exams, I called her home as usual to tell her I am done with the semester and coming home to engulf you in my arms forever. Her mother picks up the phone and said what felt like molten lava flowing into my ears. Anyway, I flew back and met her. She broke down to tears and said she made a biggest mistake of her life and I said - sure you did. There is no rewinding now. I found out from my friends that she was dating someone while I was working by butt off. Spending my hard earned money very wisely - I suppose.

Now the thing is, she kept calling my sister's house even after I told her everything between us died that very day when she started seeing someone, when she betrayed me. Again tried to touch base with me when I was back recently. Was loyal to her and everyone knows how US life is. Go to work or college and come home exhausted longing for only one thing - warm bed. Now, happily settled down but she haunts me every now and then and I guess memories are hard to fade.

Simple question - what is the remedy for complete brain wash to prevent such hauntings???

Take it easy. Ur biggest mistake is ur trust and ur god damn faith. So just get back to ur normal life and forget whatever happens in ur past life. but u make sure ur i the right track and be serious towards ur career. it happens not only in ur life but there r a lot of people suffering from this kind of tragedy. Good Luck

Nobody can fade memory and life has to go on. Decision is hard to make , but sometimes it happens to be a wrong one. I don't think there is any remedy for complete brainwash but there is always someone made for somebody.  

thanks guys. i have moved on and have carved a ditinct niche in academic arena. its just that sometimes, the memories innundates you. especially when i am not busy and cannot stop my mind floating back.

Brother welcome to my WORLD !!!!!. Be proud of urself. After going through all this, still you managed to come a long way. Remeber one thing - "NEVER REGRET WHAT YOU DO". Everyone makes mistakes and learn from it. There is nothing to loose in life. I know there is nothing such like "complete brainwash". One thing will certainly help - keep urself busy - go workout, join fitness center, go to lakes and do some adventures in the park, play games and sports, watch movies, do shopping, and look around you for all the beautiful things and persons you can see.  

Sorry to hear that bro, I think only dating another girl will help you to overcome the situation. Working out, reading, keeping busy urself is just a littile help. Bottom line is FIND A GIRL whereever you are.

good luck

snowfed_river well, so sorry so hear your painful story.. yeah its hard to forget and forgive those kind of person who plays with heart and disrespect the trust.. well, i know esp when a person is alone things strikes more ofent.. well, i think that its her bad luck i guess as u seems to be such a nice guy. Due to these kind of stuffs its hard to believe and trust other.. even i went though the similar phase like you went.. and its been like more then 7 to 8 years yet she is still in my mind 24/7.. and believe me i have a friends who are girls and i am in such a position here in US.. most of the girls are / and would love to fall for me.. yet i trust nobody but myself.. even i look forward for others good suggestion in this case.. let seee. but dude u take it easy and do each and every single things which would make u feel better and happy....   

Snowfed,

Had it not been precisely put, I would have thrown your story in an iggy bin. Your story sounds credible enough for my two cents, so here it goes.

Now that you have called it quits, it should not bother you who she communicates with. All your sister needs to do is put receiver down, that will end any further calls from her. What I see here is, since your sister had been entertaining her calls even after that (heart rending?) breakup, you need to settle the score with her than seethe cursing your ex.

Also, either you can ignore or avenge, but being perplexed like you are now will not get you anywhere. If I were you, I would have acted in a way as if she never existed OR simply meet her somewhere and cuss my lungs out, cuss her so bad, it'd scare her angels off. If you cannot do both, you are still in love with her - (snicker) enough to make a big fool out of yourself once again. Bet you are smart enough to make your next move.

thanks a heap again, guys. deception, betrayal, back stabbing have evolved into a fashion these recent years which is not good at all. people will lose or have lost faith, trust in a true relation.

i could have forgiven her but the very thought of deception drives me up the wall sometimes. that time,i wish very hard that i sould have cheated her too before she did. on top, her relatives lives near my apartment and they all give me sorry look and god how i hated that. they stopped doing that. and i know they feed her with my recent activites which is good and bad at the sametime. btw, we all go to same college. but they all say, she did the wrong thing. well that won't bring my wasted years back. and truly, i am not a buddha or gandhi either who would offer another cheek. i am a simple human being and have simple emotions. what i did was i used this betrayal as a fuel to drive myself up the academic ladder and today i feel content and happy. but i got lot to do. to show her and her family. and as i said, no matter how busy we are, it is that 'sometimes' when you just drift back in time and wander till u forcibly snap out of it.

thanks again.

Jet,

my sister did that already after i gave her stern instructions but if u read my recent post, u will understand how i was being tracked.

thanks

Snowfed,

Stick to your convictions, tell me what makes you happy. I know you feel betrayed, so now let's search for the remedy. I had suggested two approaches earlier, but since I did not get much feedback from you I do not know what is in your mind. However, considering your state, I would suggest retaliation. It is time logic took the midnight train and heart ruled.

Let me tell you a similar story of mine a decade and half ago. It is entirely different from your case but serves the purpose for this thread. This broad I went to school with sought my help with her assignments and plenty of other schoolworks. Having helped her loyally for six years, I realized I was not "handsome" enough to befriend her anymore once we reached college. Agreed, I am not Brad Pitt, but I am at least dignified enough not to be ignored. She saw past me as if I were transparent, and that was so apparent, evenyone knew about it. Wanna know what I did? I mauled her new mountain bike so bad, even the manufacturers couldn't have put it back in shape. Next thing I did was to break the news to her in a jeering fashion, keeping my anonimity intact but provide her every reason to believe I did it. Believe me, I felt like a rock star then.

That was fifteen years ago, I was perhaps crazy back then, or maybe it was a spur of a moment, but god I felt great. And buddha who? I believe in payback and so should you.

Some people say "the first cut is the deepest". But all relationships come with a risk factor. Life does not give any money back guarantees. Situations like this happens to both sexes. However, the general tendency for ladies to "chicken out" is due to parental pressure and society's expectations. I don't deny the fact that there are ladies who are brave and bold to stand up for their man. But that makes up a minority figure. Here we're talking about Nepalese girls. Do I have to explain what they go through in their families? You have sisters too. How are they treated by parents and relatives? Does any family member support them in their choice of a groom-to-be? Again we're looking at a minority figure. But there are also girls and guys who make "make hay while the sun shines" or "like to play while the cat is away." Sometimes its just human nature, sometimes its loneliness, sometimes its just a bad habit.

Whatever happened, has happened. Since "tide and time waits for no man", you my dear snowfed_river should learn the significance of your chosen name. Like a snowfed river, move on till you merge with the mighty ocean. A moving river never stops to reflect on what it passes by. It does not stop till it reaches its destination. Nothing stands in its way. Not even a divertion. Everything is a learning experience in life, my friend. Yin and Yang. Accept the good and the bad. Its how we look at it. It depends on our perspective. Be bold, be brave like a warrior. No soldier goes to war without getting hurt. Our parents did not give us any guarantee that we'll not get hurt in life. Its part and parcel of the game. Only when we get hurt, do we learn how to value what we get the next time around.

Keep the sun in front of you....the shadow will remain at the back.