USA is the one country outside India that affects us Indians the most, in one way or the other! It affects not only the Indians living in US, but also Indians living in India! USA enters in our lives one way or the other. You could be aspiring to study or work in USA, you could hate USA for its bullying around or just in general, you could be using US brands, you could be discussing its foreign policies, you could be blaming western culture or you could be watching Hollywood movies. Even if you choose not to care about USA, USA keeps entering your life through the TV, the news, the brands, the culture, the clothes , the discussions, the debates and even the food.
Virtually every Indian has some opinion about USA. Not every other country provokes opinions like USA does. These opinions are a result of a few biases, a few facts, some hearsay and some perceptions about US of A. They are typically hard to change, especially if the person has not been to US. Of course Indians living in USA carry their own wrong or right views of USA and in addition, they carry views and biases about India. Many Indians do go and live in other countries. But none of these countries gets the reactions like ‘going to US or living in US’ does. Even today, when it is becoming so commonplace to go abroad, ‘oh you are going to US?’ question is asked with layers of positive or negative undertones, opinions and sentiments.
For Indians coming to and living in USA, it acts like a chemical reactor for their basic Indian molecular structure. Something changes – at one level or another or at multiple levels simultaneously. Many outer and inner changes cause interesting as well as shocking personality shifts. Once the Indian atoms are put inside the US reactor, what emerges out is something inherently different.
There are some general guidelines to know how many years an Indian has spent in US. There are some clear signs and some subtle ones. Take example of an Indian, coming fresh from India, who is used to using a comb daily after the shower. He may have a well maintained and defined hair partition. He may even have mustaches. Sideburns are not as common. But just 6 months in US gets rid of the mustaches. 2 years in US can help grow sideburns and 3 years or more get rid of that seemingly tough hair partition too. Similar metamorphosis happens with clothing. An Indian coming to US with tucked in striped shirt, belt and cotton trousers slowly emerges into a different shape & form. The trousers are almost immediately replaced by jeans. But not the "Express-brand-boot-cut-jeans"! No, not so fast! One has to wait for at least 7-8 years for that. First come the Target straight cut regular jeans. It’s natural to start off with that. In the world that is so alien to new Indians in US, they usually like to stick to one thing that belongs to their old and known world – the straight regular style of their jeans.
Jeans are accompanied by the Target/ Wal-Mart t-shirts, sweatshirts and even shirts. In fact, if you go to a Target or a Wal-mart and see a 70% off sale on a particular type of t-shirt or shirt, it’s almost guaranteed that you will find many other Indians like you, wearing the same shirt, that day on.
When they are new in US, irrespective of their salary in dollars, Indians always convert everything in rupees inside their brains. That’s why a shirt of $10 becomes 450 rupees. An $8 Chinese dish becomes as expensive as 360 rupees. That ‘Desi’ calculator inside the brain takes some years to lose its batteries. Until then, it automatically converts every dollar into 40-plus rupees. It’s almost as if there is an invisible decoder that is fitted over the eyes and ears of the Indians. $4 is never $4 – it is ‘bloody’ 180 rupees!!
Every Indian coming to US gets one or many Lord Ganesh statues as farewell gifts from India. The neighbors, relatives or the friends gift Lord Ganesh statues. Invariably the number of Ganesha statues increase exponentially with every visit back to India. One of these Ganeshas finds its place on a Honda or Toyota dashboard. You call tell that a car belongs to an Indian by looking at its dashboard. Japanese car makers have to be thankful to Indians for that one aspect – consistently great sale of their cars. In fact, it is used as a marker for any Indian cultural event in US. If you are searching for the place where the local Indian Society’s annual Diwali or Dandia cultural program is being held, just look for a parking lot with a lot of Hondas and Toyotas. That’s your venue!
Indians get very excited to talk about India or Indian culture, especially with Americans. They like to believe that it’s their responsibility and purpose to teach Americans about Indian culture. They truly believe that Americans who listen to them are extremely interested in intricacies of Indian society and culture. Well, Americans bring it onto themselves too. Their faces look smiling and excited with all the American nods and the American ‘Oh wows. That’s the kind of reaction they think they should give, while listening to other cultures they don’t fully understand or care about! But those gestures act like a jet fuel for the culturally enthusiastic Indians
You can also measure the number of years spent in US by an Indian by his mannerisms. If the Indian smiles at you and if it’s really not a full smile, but just an ‘inward-folding-of-his-lips’, that means that he has been in US for at least 7-8 years. He has seen and observed Americans smiling at unknown people. That never happened to him in India. We don’t smile at unknown people on streets in India. But when that Indian comes to US, Americans smile at him. He loves that. A little bit later he slowly finds out that he can smile at anyone and that person will smile back. So he practices that for some years. Ultimately he becomes an expert in smiling at unknown people. Slowly he does not feel a need for that much of a broad smile. Inward folding of his lips will suffice. It also has a little cooler feel to it.
When Indians see other Indians, they use this ‘inward-folding-of-lips gesture’ very often. It says the following – "Look dude, you are Indian and I am Indian! If we were in India, we would not be smiling like this at each other. But since we are here, I will smile at you. But all I can offer you now is this – the-inward-fold-of-the-lips"
There is always an interesting chemistry amongst Indians in US. Whenever two Indians meet each other in US, each one is actually weighing the other person in his mind– "I wonder how many years has he been in US? Does he have a Green card or H-1? Let me first hear his accent. That will tell me how long he has been here" – all these statements immediately go across an Indian mind when meeting another Indian. Indian people are normally very proud about the number of years they have spent in US. Directly or indirectly they somehow mention the years during conversations with other Indians they meet for the first time. There are plenty of smart ways to let other Indians know that you have stayed in US longer than them.
When density of Indian population in any region within US exceeds a certain threshold, Indians seize to acknowledge each other. There are just too many Indians around you to even bother with ‘folding-of-your-lips’.
There is a hierarchy amongst the Indians in US. Indians who have been in US for a long time look down upon the new ones. Indians with more Americanized accents look down upon Indians with ‘pure’ ones. Indians, who consider themselves part of American fabric and dress as such, look down upon Indians who look too Indian.
Indians try pretty hard to pick up American accents – or what they perceive as the American accent. The usage of the letter "H" increases exponentially as the number of years of stay in US increase. A simple sentence like "Turn the car there" becomes "Tuhrn thuh cahr thehre" in Indian-American English. It’s like listening to the classical music where you have a base of ‘H’ going on all the time. Indians learn quickly to throw the letter "H" in every possible word, to make their accent sound American. A fellow student who came from Bihar talked like this - "I wohke uph in the mohrning and cahme to eee-schoohl"
Indians coming from India aka FOBs (Fresh off Boats) get amused by Indians born in US aka ABCDs (American Born Confused Desis). When FOBs see ABCDs, they think that they are looking at their fellow Indians, who look just like themselves - Indian flesh and Indian bones. But when ABCDs open their mouths to talk, it’s a totally different ball game. Amusingly, a very pure American accent flows from their mouths - those mouths of the very – who you thought were Indians like you – people!!! It’s like watching a Hollywood movie dubbed in Chinese. You expect the characters to speak in English, but out comes Mandarin! You see Indian looking people, but out comes American accent?! ABCDs become amusing specimen because they can effortlessly speak like Americans and do not have to tire themselves with all those "H"s everywhere.
B.O. aka body odor is the concept which every Indian learns in US within a few years of stay. Until then, as long as you don’t smell your own smell, you are pretty sure that people cannot smell it either. In US you often find yourself standing in an elevator, surrounded by over-perfumed Americans and then you hear a ’Cling!" Elevator door opens and enters a cloud of curry powder accompanying an Indian or group of Indians. This is one more measure of number of years of stay in US. Indians who have crossed the threshold of 5-6 years in US learn to keep their jackets and clothes hanging as away from kitchen as possible. They also spray deodorants on their jackets, not because they can smell themselves now but because they have had too many of the elevator incidences with other Indians and they proactively apply the same theory onto themselves.
Difference between when you come as a student vs. H-1 job visa
There is a distinct difference in a person’s habits, behavior and the outlook when the person comes to US on a student visa (F-1) vs. a person coming to US on a job visa (H-1). A person coming to US on student visa has experienced how living with 3 other roommates from different parts of India, with drastically different habits, feels like. An F-1 has been in the pissing-off contest with his roommates. He has been trained in taking turns of cleaning toilets, throwing garbage, cooking, cleaning pots and vacuuming the apartment. He has had roommates cook obnoxious meals made from frozen pees, beans and vegetables put in boiling water along with some random spices. He has bought 24 pack of Budweiser – not because he likes it, but he wants to get drunk cheap. He has walked his way every day and late night from apartment to department. He has kept accounts of every extra fruit his roommates bought at the grocery store. Each week he has sat down with his roomies to do the accounts and has argued over it. He has always chosen cost over quality. His furniture (if he has any) is the cheapest possible he could get his hands on. His TV, if he has an assistantship from school, is possibly a shared one. If he doesn’t have an assistantship, he has done random on-campus jobs in dorms, libraries and computer labs. If he does have a car, he calls it ‘Draupadi’ since 4 other friends along with him own it.
But when you come on H-1 job visa, things are drastically different. You are already getting a decent salary (when converted to rupees, its really a lot) You live with roommates, only if you are not married or if there is some delay before your wife joins you. You have roommates only because you need some sense of safety and security in an unknown country. (In US, when you are new, any person resembling an Indian looks friendly. Even the Mexicans! ). You may also want to save as many dollars as possible before your work contract expires. You can immediately buy new furniture if your apartment is not already furnished. You can afford to eat outside, even daily. If you are married and your spouse gets to US on H-4 visa, you get rid of any roommates you may have. Your wife starts to cook for you and so you never really crave for good food. Either wife or money always provides you with good food. You immediately go for a car, although a second-hand one. You don’t have to share it with anyone else either
This fundamental difference in life experiences during the initial days in US make two very different personalities out of H-1 and F-1 people
Amongst the several things that determine number of years of staying experience in US, – "moving" is one of them. If you call movers to move your furniture and belongings, it means that you have financially settled down and do not have many available friends left. This means at least 7-8 years stay in US. If you move using your friends, it means you are single, poorer with other single able-bodied friends who are equally dependent on you for helping them move. Selling off used furniture in US has become much easier because of IT industry and the universities. Just put an ad out on web sites and email listings frequented by Indians on H-1 or F-1 visas. H-1 visa holders usually show up with their significant others. F-1 students show up with a senior who thinks he knows better.
Indians who came to US any time before 1990s feel a little cheated by the latest development in communication technology. When they came to US, email was unheard of in India. In fact a lot of them wrote letters back to their friends and parents – using – oh god – a paper and a pen! They actually took that soon-to-be-outdated pen in their hands and wrote letters on actual pieces of papers. Before they came to USA, they had to go to computer coaching classes in India to know how a computer looks like. India phone calls were more than a $1 per minute. Going away from home was truly "Going–Away-From-Home". Many of them have had their eyes get moist with songs like ‘Vatan se chiththi aai hai’ which they heard over and over. Indian grocery shops were uncommon. Indian movies did not play every week in theatres and you would not see so many Indians around you, like today. The emotion called "Homesickness" had certain dignity, depth and class. You could not see or hear your family and friends back in India that easily. Homesickness had some weight back then.
But technology changed it all. It reduced homesickness to just a passing mood than a long lasting state of mind. These early Indians saw the homesickness losing its image, its power and its weight in front of their very eyes. Technologies such as cell phones, web cams and Reliance phone cards at less than 10 cents per minute seriously violated the laws of homesickness. "No easy visual and no cheap audio" are the basic rules of homesickness which got violated. Technology made homesickness into this poor little fellow no one is much afraid of anymore. ‘The homesickness in our times had a charm’- sighed the Indians who came to US before 90s ‘Huh! These new immigrants – how will they ever understand that feeling?’
These early Indians in US are also in denial about changes happening in India itself. When they came to US, only they had cell phone, only they had cool cars and internet. That status continued for a long time. These people enjoyed their special status of being in US because of all these cool things they had access to. But right in front of their very eyes, India changed dramatically! The cell phones which they were so proud of are now in hands of maid servants, vegetable vendors and cab drivers back in India. In fact those people back home carry much cooler looking cell phones. Every little kid they know in India has an email account. Their own uncles and aunties use words like SMSs and ring tones. These early Indians in US feel like they are losing their edge. All these things were the ones that differentiated them from Indians in India. If every person they know in India has the same gadgets as them, where in the hell is their differentiation?
Indian men over 40s and 50s staying in US look very similar to each other. A guy wearing khaki shorts, a t-shirt (tucked in) with a belt over it, holding a can of beer in one hand and telling his other Indian friends at his house party "I am working on my roof"! The roof could be roof or it could be a Patio (that’s one more word Indians have to learn when they come to US), it could be the basement or it could be the backyard. But every Indian over 40s and 50s in US is working on one of these four frontiers of his house and is telling about it to his other Indian friends.
These Indian people over 40s and 50s in USA have tried to get a perfect American accent and then have given up after trying. But some reminiscent residue pops up if you closely listen them talk, like the word itself - ‘Talk’. They would say a line like "Then I said, Bill, we need to talk" as "Then I said, Bill, we need to TTaaHk". That’s double stress on the letter T and of course with a capital H. Rest of the sentence is, of course, in the unchangeable pure Indian subcontinent accent.
Indians in their 20s and early 30s
Something dramatic happens to the Indians in their 20s and early 30s, when they spend a few years in US. A lot of them come to US as students. They trade a very thin line when they are in US. Depending upon their friend circle and their perception of the world and themselves, these people can flip to the "other" side within a flash. Main struggle for them is how to "fit in". That fitting in process starts with their clothes, makeup, shoes, food habits, friends, alcohol, smoking, clubbing and of course their speech patterns.
There is a huge group of these ‘modern, trying to fit in’ young people. You hear them talking to each other at a party. Everyone is acutely aware of his or her accent. Of course there is no American at this party. It’s just a bunch of Indians from India, talking to each other in ‘American’ accents. This group is also aware - very aware - of their clothes. They are more aware of wearing Americanized clothes than Americans themselves. Their clothes have to fit in. Girls wear as little as possible and guys try to pretend that they are too cool to get shocked by how little the girls are wearing. In fact it’s so un-cool to get shocked and stare at how little girls are wearing. Some of the girls in these groups are wives of the guys in the same group. Now the husband knows what his wife is wearing or not wearing and however hard he tries to numb his Indian mind against all the instincts his old Indian self is crying out loud to him, he likes to believe that none of his friends are ‘looking’. Now some of his friends are married too and their wives are wearing similar non-clothes. So all the husbands are busy stealing glances at other peoples’ wives and acting cool about it. And all girls are busy comparing notes with each other on how they can ‘fit in’ even more.
These people are very proud of their abilities to know, mix and consume various types of alcohols. They constantly talk about getting drunk. Many of these same people, who had not had wine back in India, teach themselves to like wine. Many of them don’t know why they have to smell wine when a waiter serves it, but it’s not cool to not smell it. So they smell it. They can’t really tell the difference though. The guys also make sure to go for Golf lessons because they believe that learning Golf is the only way to ascend the American corporate ladder. They have read it somewhere and everyone in the group is talking about it too.
Every guy in this age group has been to ‘downtown clubs’. Many of these guys were excited to come to US because they were told that White women like Brown skin and most of them have already been disappointed. Every girl has gotten drunk beyond control. Many of them have smoked cigarettes, smoked cigars and pretended that cigars are ok to smoke, arranged bachelor parties, been with multiple partners, or at least have tried desperately. Some of them have even crossed the ‘doing drugs’ boundary.
Many of them are truly dual personalities. Saturday night is different and Sunday morning, when they call India to talk to their parents, is different. They are the Desi versions of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde! These people walk a very thin line. They can easily go berserk and flip to the other side. In their pursuit to fit-in, they normally overdo it. So much so, that they don’t even recognize themselves after a few years. When they come to US, they suddenly realize that there are no parents to keep an eye on them anymore. All they see around them is freedom. So they go free.
A huge metamorphosis happens in US when it comes to this group. Before they come to US, the picture is drastically different. It’s the same guys and girls whom you see holding on to their lives and metal bars in crowded buses and trains in India. It’s the same guys and girls whom you see walking with their bag-packs, carrying books to colleges and tuition classes while wiping the sweat off of their foreheads. They have stood in lines in front of temples, they have eaten at Pav-Bhaji and Vada-Paav stalls and they have photo-copied..sorry ..xeroxed books after books for 20 paisa/page.
And now it’s the same guys and girls who wear new masks and new make-ups struggling to fit in.Their heart may not have adjusted totally but their bodies seem to have ‘fitted in’
Patriotic (Indian) Americans who like to hate India
This is another category of Indians who live in US. Most people in this category have lived in US for some time. These people, strangely, have no emotional bonds with India. None whatsoever! They have determined that they hate India and they don’t leave any chance justifying why they are living in US. ‘India is a chaos’ is a commonly used statement and under that, there are others such as ‘too much corruption to handle’, ‘too much pollution to handle’, ‘nothing is ever going to happen there, so don’t waste your life’ etc statements. These people visit India once in 8-10 years, if at all. Some of them go to the extent of wearing medical masks, when in India. They go to their old uncle’s place and refuse to eat anything there. They carry their own bottle of water. A lot of them would never go to India by choice. They have tried hard to shun the thought of going back for good. They take ‘but things have improved in India’ statement extremely personally. They have a strong and ready offence against it, starting from points like traffic jams to pollution to poverty to corruption. They have repeated this list to themselves so many times in their minds that it comes out effortlessly during conversations. They never go deeper than that and they don’t want to either. ‘Things have improved in India’ statements are a direct blow to their perfect defense against going back to India and they can’t stand it. Because, if this is indeed true, their whole mission of staying in US would seem futile!
There is a younger variety of this generation who has spent 8 or more years in US. They go back to India every 4 years or so. They live there for 2 weeks. The people from this category bathe their US born children with mineral water bottles, when they are in India. They have justification for everything, including bathing their children with mineral water.
This is a very strange twist you get to see. These people have spent all their childhood and a significant part of their youth in India. Yet they love to hate India. It’s very black and white. They like US, actually they like the comforts in US. They decide that they cannot like two countries at the same time. So they don’t like India. They believe somewhere in their minds that they have to stick to liking US all the time. Words like ‘motherland’ or ‘love towards India’ get lost under blankets of ‘be logical, be practical, get real,’ etc. They like to believe that Indians are emotionally twisted, chaotic and confused people and Americans are logical, healthy-minded ones. And they love to see themselves belonging to the second category.
You see such people living in US. If you knew them from before, you have seen them when they were growing up in India. You feel like shaking them up so that the layers of self-grown American-ness falls off and out comes the original person you knew once. You hear them talk in English with their uncles and aunties in India who have once changed their diapers (actually there were no diapers back then in India). You wonder about what in the hell is wrong with these people! You feel like screaming in their ears to wake them up from their sleep. But no! They visit India, blanketed in that American wrap and then leave within 10 days, along with it.
Some of the people in this category suddenly realize the greatness of India when their own 8-9 year old kids in US, start talking about girlfriends and boyfriends. That’s the time when their deeply buried Indian upbringing fights its way up and protests! Not until then!
Patriotic Indians living in US
This category includes people who live in US for years after years and love to hate it. They also love to say that they love India. They can spend hours talking about what is so nice about India and how they miss all that in US.
And yet they continue to live in US.
These people send emails to other Indians with patriotic messages, stories related to India, about how India has become a financial power etc. They also love to hate US. While eating at McDonalds, they talk about Vada-Paav. While driving on smooth and clean roads in US, they remember the Ghaats in India. They proudly tell other allergy-ridden fellow Indians how they don’t have allergies because they eat at the roadside vendors in India.
And yet they continue to live in US. They criticize American society, ‘western culture’, food habits of people around them, everything that they find different than in India (which is pretty much everything). Yet they enjoy the salaries, great cars, convenient and efficient services in US. They buy houses, raise kids in US, but all along they continue to love to love India and love to hate US. Eventually they end up spending more number of years in US than they ever spent in India. Yet they continue to be Patriotic Indians living in US.
Indians in India who love to hate US
Today, ‘going to US’ has lost its charm quite significantly in India. It may have to do with the IT wave of so many Indians going to US. Earlier it wasn’t the case. Going to US was like going to this forbidden special place after months of studies, preparation and quite a bit of luck. There was this image attached to a person going to US of being the bright and intelligent one. The limited number of visas helped boost that image. That’s why it was called the ‘brain drain’, whether right or wrong. People who could and did put in a lot of time studying for GRE, applying to universities, who got admission and then finally got visa, got through. Whoever got the visa proved to be bright and intelligent! But with the IT job wave, people saw their neighborhood kid who had failed in SSC, going to US after merely doing a computer certification course. "Huh! Now days anybody can go to US" reduced the value of going to US.
Quite a few Indians in India love to hate US. For them it is the evil itself. They deny to themselves that anything could ever be good about US. Like Hindi films, they like the black and the white. USA is in Black. Period! For them, USA is made up of MTV and girls in Bikini, Jerry Springer show, a lot of missiles, 50% divorce rate and the overriding bully attitude. ‘Don’t tell us about US. We know all the secrets of its wealth’ – kind of attitude is not very uncommon amongst this group. These same people put everything ‘bad’ which they see around themselves under the broad ‘western culture’ category. Your nephew is divorcing his wife – its western culture. Your kid talks back – western culture. The young girl in your society wears mini-skirts – western culture. Kids watch too much TV – western culture.
"Are Americans any smart? I think they are really stupid. They are rich because of our Indian people who have gone there "- is a common feeling amongst this group of people. In fact, even some Indians who come new in US convince themselves too soon that all Americans are dumb. They base this assumption on their conversation with a checkout counter clerk at a grocery store who can not multiply 38 X 83 as fast as they can.
What most of these people forget is some of the basics. Why is America the number one country? Why American companies and brands continue to rule the world? Why the American currency is considered the basis of world economics? A lot of people are somehow under the notion that the great roads, the great buildings and the riches they hear and see in USA – those all somehow existed already and the American people just went there and started enjoying all of it. They forget that it’s the people – American people - who built all that from scratch.
You have streets in US. You have streets in India. It’s the people who built both. It’s the same building material. Laws of chemistry and physics work same in both countries. People are at same human level of existence. Then why do we see huge difference in quality of roads built in US vs. in India? There is a misconception that everyone in US is rich. No! USA has rich, middle and lower strata of society. People have needs. People have struggles. They want to make money. All these human emotions are same across the whole world. Then what is it that makes American roads much better than India? As the quote goes ‘Roads in US are good, not because US is rich. US is rich because it has good roads’
What applies to roads, applies to the whole country and the way it functions daily at all levels for common people. Why doesn’t one require things like myriad paperwork, passport sized photographs, notarized photocopies, weeks of wait, several phone calls and personal visit reminders to get simple things done in US? Why can’t an Indian even think of bribing a US cop with a $20? Why maintenance people show up on time? Why things work when they are guaranteed to work? Why is it all so convenient? Why a common man does not need to run after things to get them done? The answer is not - ‘because it’s a rich country’. It’s the people. People who are executing it daily! They are not rich. Individual wealth or lack of it does not have anything to do with the things being done on time. Country’s wealth has nothing to do with it. It’s a simple matter of doing one’s job.
People forget that American society is like Indian society. There are brilliant people and there are dumb people. There are many average and normal people. If a Computer Scientist comes to India, talks to a street vendor and then based on that conversation, deduces that Indians do not know much about the world, will it be right? American businesses, products and markets rule the world not because of their military might. They do that because of American people. They are as human as Indians. And Indians in US are NOT the reason for success of USA – they are a part of it.
Racism in US
People read about racism in US. They hear about it in media. Blacks and whites! India has always had a little something towards ‘whites’. It’s probably because the British ruled the India and they were whites. Funnily some people in India can still be heard saying "Go and rule those whites in US - the same way they ruled us for 150 years". Come to think of it, Americans also fought against British for their independence - just like India!
Back to this racism issue, history of US is drenched in racism. The numerous crimes against Blacks in early part of last century and before, paint a very dark picture. No society can be defended against racism. There is racism in US. But it is no worse than in rest of the world. There are biases amongst people against each other. But it is no worse than in the rest of the world. All humans carry biases about other humans who look different than themselves.
Given all this, USA is actually one of the most tolerant countries when it comes to accepting new and different cultures. That’s why hoards of foreign nationals immigrate to US, work in US, study in US, prosper in US and can become part of the society in US.
If you are an Indian, chances are that you have thought about the ‘white’ people as racists whether you have personally experienced racism or not. Indians in India view Americans as racists or white supremacists. It goes back to the image of British soldiers charging with their batons onto the Indian revolutionaries. But racism in US should be taken in context of what happens in India.
We Indians are extremely racists. Indians are not only racists, but also are ‘classists’, ‘communitysts’, ‘sub-castists’ etc. We look down upon people whom we believe are from ‘lower’ societal standing. Even within one Brahmin community, there are sub-categories of Brahmins who have biases against each other. We first look at the surname of another Indian and gauge him or her. Based on that surname alone, we form a snapshot of the past, present, future, family and background of that person in our minds. We carry those biases while dealing with that person from that moment on. Our thousands of years of history is drenched in racism and classism. That struggle still goes on. In cities it is a little implicit. In villages it is more explicit. Take the simple skin color factor! Even well-do-do, educated and intellectual people carry biases about ‘dark’ vs. ‘fair’. Fair is good and dark is bad.
With that background in mind, it becomes interesting to look at US. Here is the country where there are, not only different sects of their own society, but on the top of that, there are millions of people from other countries pouring in. We "Bombayites" have a problem with people coming in from Bihar, which is just another state within India. Imagine people pouring in from many other financially poor countries into India. There will be nothing less than riots.
India being ignored in US media
Media in US is providing more attention to India today, only because India has provided an economically attractive option for US. It’s mainly because outsourcing is synonymous with India now. But before this started happening, Indians would wonder why Americans had not been paying attention to India. There was no mention of India anywhere in the US news. Pakistan would get mentioned, obviously that hurt it even more. But India being this huge country with great history and largest democracy, the fact that it was ignored, did not go well with a lot of Indians. When American president would visit India, every news channel and newspaper in India would highlight that. But when Indian PM would visit US, no one would even notice it in US. You would read an Indian newspaper, full of ‘India warns US not to indulge in Kashmir’ news in bold front lines and if you’d read US news on the same day, there would not even be a mention of that issue anywhere.
Well if it is right or wrong can be debated. The one perspective one may have is – will India or Indians really care, if say, President of Ghana visited India? Would Indian media cover it? Will Indian people make it a point to watch it? Will we really care about a much weaker and poorer country than us? Is that what happened to us too?
US is a bully
One thing Indians like to think about US is that it’s a big bully. Especially when its policies are pro-Pakistan, anti-Kashmir etc, we like to hate US. Other events in the world like Iraq war etc don’t help it either.
This is again an issue where a lot of people in India agree upon. But do we know what our own neighbors think about India? One may be under the impression that our country is this non-aggressive, passive, democratic gentle one. But talk to friends from Nepal and you would see and hear hatred towards India. That could be one more of those rude awakenings for an Indian, especially for a Hindu. One would think that Nepal being this only Hindu nation would be a favorite pal of India. But it is not true. In fact Nepalese hate the bullying nature of India, be it its policies or politicians. Nepalese believe that India can demand anything because of its power and is not ready to help Nepal with its needs. One gets surprised to hear Nepalese having no issues with Pakistan. We Indians carry this darker image of Pakistan and our Hindu neighbors Nepalese have no issues with it. But they do have issues with India. One finds similar issues when talking to Srilankan friends. It’s like India is a big bully for our smaller neighbors around us. If that is so, we should not be surprised to see the most powerful country in the world bullying around. It’s not right. But it comes with the position.
Indians and Pakistanis, Hindus and Muslims in US
Indians and Pakistanis, Hindus and Muslims have learned to act normal around each other in US now. ‘He is Muslim’ or ‘He is Indian’ statements are accepted with same smiling face and ‘it does not matter’ nod – pure American style! Desis have learned American manners when it comes to these things. In fact they may go one step further and even hang out together. They feel cool about themselves by doing that. Especially for Desis who were raised back home and who came to US, the words like religion or nationality, trigger some alarm somewhere deep down and may even push some button somewhere inside. But they have learned to mask it so well that they have begun to believe that the button never existed.
But that apart, it is strange how open minded people become about Hindu-Muslims and Indians-Pakistan issues when they are in US. Back home, they would not spare any chance of back-lashing against each other. But in US, they would behave in a very friendly way with each other. It’s almost that they all become Americans. They are not Indians or Pakistanis any more. It’s interesting how a third country makes all of us a part of one single family. At some levels it really does not matter suddenly. This tells us that either we don’t care about real problems back home when we are in US or emotions do run really high on these issues back home.
Dignity of Labor in US
One big difference an Indian realizes when he comes to US is the way people behave with the guy behind the counter at a Fast food place or a waiter or a woman mopping the floor or the guy in a grocery store etc. That behavior is drastically different than the one he is used to, back in India. There is a hierarchy – very bold and obvious – in India. A driver, a servant, a cleaning person, a fruit vendor – every one is ‘shown his and her place’ daily. That kind of behavior has become a second nature in India. It is no longer considered rude, although it is. That’s how people behave and it is well accepted. But that social hierarchy seems to be missing in US. The waiter, the vendor, the guy-behind-the-counter, the sweeping woman – everyone behaves with you at an equal level and you reciprocate back at that level. ‘No job is bad job’ is what is taught to us, but we don’t treat all jobs equally in India. One of the Indian guy’s parents were visiting US and they all went to a restaurant. The parents, used to the Indian way, called upon the waiter with that ‘typical-pssst-sound-and-calling-with-fingers’ gesture. After serving them, the waiter took the Indian guy to a side and he said ‘Please let them know that I am a student and not a servant’. What was missing was the dignity of labor!
This also brings us to personal habits of individuals. In US, irrespective of your income level, you are bound to clean the house yourself, wash the dishes and clothes yourself, do the grocery shopping yourself as well. In India, especially in the middle class and above, people are used to getting their clothes washed, houses cleaned and dishes done by other people. Indian women are used to their servants doing it. Indian men are used to the Indian women or servants doing it. Indians in India laugh and joke about Indians in US – ‘you wash your own clothes?’ Indians in US wish they had access to cheap labor. But they don’t. If they had, they would have had servants too. Everyone wants to employ other people to maintain their lives, their bodies and their homes. Easy availability of cheap labor is the cause. But at the least, we can learn not be condescending towards such ‘chores’. We look down upon these ‘chores’ and also upon the people who do them for us. That’s where we lose sight of the dignity of labor.
Western culture
Western culture has become a commonly used word in the dictionary of Indians. It is used in a very generic and broad manner. People use it like a wide brush to paint everything that is perceived as modern and evil. It’s funny that people use this word to describe behavior of people in India, who have never been to the "west". It could be the neighborhood girl wearing short-skirts. It could also be an auntie switching from Saaris to Punjabi dresses. It could be young teenagers driving fast bikes and drinking beer. All this is categorized into western culture. Even the increasing divorce rate in Indian cities is categorized into western culture. Is it western culture? Take an example of a divorce. What happens between a husband and wife is what happens between them. It is not western culture. The girl starting to wear short skirts and her parents being ok with it - is their own culture. It is not western culture
Where does this ‘Western culture’ come in from? Mostly it is because of media. MTV, Jerry Springer, Soap Operas, Hollywood movies! Media forms an image of a country. Similarly, news like extravagant weddings of Bollywood stars, Milk Drinking Ganeshas, Monkey-Man, Sati, Dowry practices, images of slums, poverty form the international image of India. Many people in India think of Americans as people who marry 2-3 times in their lifetimes. Most commonly known thing in India is how American kids ‘leave’ their parents at the age of 16.
But as one spends more and more time every day with normal common Americans, one comes to realize that they are as afraid of ‘western culture’ as everyone else. They worry about their kids getting influenced by TV and internet. They try to impose strict control on the content kids can watch and also on the time they can spend with it. They worry and care about their old parents. They cry when relations go sour. They yearn for normal family lives. Human emotions, attachments and fears are common everywhere in the world. Dig a little deeper in the ‘Indian cultured’ society around you. You will find marital abuse, extra-marital affairs, rapes, alcoholism, twisted family relations and so on. Even Indians agree that Indian society can be pretty hypocritical. So where does the question of ‘western culture’ come in? It’s our own culture!
Then there is always another side to everything. Even the Indian culture can be looked at differently. What we perceive as less divorce rate could also be seen as women not having any voice, they being oppressed without having option of getting out of bad marriages. Americans perceive India as a country with dowry and Sati system. We pride ourselves with concepts like ‘joint families’. But if we dig just a little deeper in our own joint families, how many family members are truly happy living together? The concept of joint families is becoming scarcer for that very reason. Is it really an influence of western culture or is it just a practical and happier thing to do? By being in joint families, do we increase the stress and tension amongst the family members? By being close to each other but by not being under the same roof, do we not achieve the proper balance and maintain good relations? More and more families in India are going this way. So should we say that we are following the pattern which already existed in American society? Is it really that wrong or evil? All this has become our own culture or at least a big part of it. Then is it still ‘western?’
Each of the points mentioned here can trigger a big debate on its own. They have triggered debates before and they will continue to do so. It is because all of it is subjective. All of it depends on personal outlooks, experiences and beliefs. Those are different from one person to next.
As we Indians spend more time with USA, we continue to learn more and more about this country. Whether we live in USA or in India, it has entered our lives. We hate it, we love it, we debate about it, we discuss its policies, we watch its movies, we use its brands, we eat the food, we aspire for it, we are disgusted by it, we measure ourselves by it and we compare with it. If there is any one country outside India which affects us Indians the most, it’s USA.
As human beings, our goal can be to learn, educate ourselves and evolve. The more we get exposed to the world beyond ours, the more we evolve. After that, we can pick only what makes us better and forget everything else. As they say in Sanskrit "Yad rochate, tad grahyam!’ (pick only what you think is good)
