Its the boring weekend again . so i thought of throwing some jokes to bright up


A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.

He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.

Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s…

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man.
"If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"fek off!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse sh*t all over her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse sh1t from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a fekinng good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."

Here is the best one

guy in a ski-mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun. "Open the
f*cking safe!", he yells at the girl behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank" she replies, "We don't have any money. This
is
a sperm bank".
"Don't argue, open the f*cking safe or I'll blow your head off". She
obliges and once she's opened the safe door, the guy says " Take out
one
of the bottles and drink it".
"But its full of sperm!" she replies nervously.
"Don't argue. Just drink it!" he says.
She pulls the cap off and gulps it down.
"Take another bottle and drink it too", he demands. She takes out
another
one and drinks it as well.
Suddenly the guy pulls off the ski-mask and to the girls amazement it's
her boyfriend.

" See honey i have been telling you its not difficult to drink sperm?"