I do not wish to dig up cliched topics, but some topics are never exhausted. I thought of putting down some reflections on one such issue. Here is what I am able to offer on the table right now.....

On this gloomy Sunday evening, as I sit finishing up an old Shammi Kapoor movie while the rains slap on my windows, I am almost coerced by Mother Nature to think on the age old issue of matrimony. And think hard at it! Not about love, sacrifice, conjugal joy and the likes, but rather about something else that I can't quite put my finger on at the moment. To put things simply, as I prefer and try to at least : ), the issue really boils down to the question, "well, when IS the right time to get married?" Of course, we've heard numerous answers and no doubt we will hear them again. Age, education, financial security, love, emotional readiness and so forth will be the most preferred candidates for "the right time." But are they enough, I wonder. Because one of the most difficult things about being human is to be able to think in a linear fashion. I often hear men talking about taking life as it comes; I often hear women planning much ahead. But no, I am not about to dwell on another age old issue of gender differences. My question deals more with how we grapple with ourselves and the many contradictions and paradoxes that we have to live with and try to accept about ourselves. At a certain time in our lives, others around us make obvious and not-so-obvious indications of our need to settle down. "Oh, you are getting old," or "You need a wife to mend your old bachelor habits," or worse, "Why aren't you married yet?" giving you a curious and questioning look as if not being married yet is like eating or breathing or going to the bathroom -- one of the vital needs affirming that yes, you are alive and you are human.

(contd.)

Marriage is a too much of a compromise. I think its better not getting married. Live independently. I hate being married. I hate being constantly nagged. I hate arguing about small things for no apparent reason. I hate the difficulty of divorce in our Nepali society.

I wish I will never be married. Seen too much with my parents.

ýFýF

Most of us fall into the trap. "Am I really getting old?" or "Yeah, I wonder why I'm not married yet" and perhaps even bachelors frolicking in their freedom will be nudged into questionining their old habits. And almost as a reflex, well, maybe more out of self-doubt or to please those around us, or perhaps to please ourselves, most of us will frantically search for the "better half." Some of us will find one in the nick of time! Most of us will lament our gullibility. But no, I am not deriding the institution of marriage. It can be (or so I've heard) a blissful state. Kudos to those who enter it and reap the benefits! I am merely trying to muse on when the right time really is, knowing fully well that I am most likely chasing my own tail (not that I have one!). But it really makes us think and perhaps marvel at the fact that we DO eventually (trap or no trap) decide to embark on this journey called "marriage." Something in us impels us to take that road so often taken, yet so alarming and mortifying. I have said earlier that as humans it's difficult to think in a linear fashion, to accept ourselves, to fulfill ourselves. And marriage attaches yet another human being to us with his/her own set of beliefs, characteristics, his/her own non-linear thoughts. And we need to accept those "selves," to fulfill those "selves" too. I say "selves" for the same reason that I say that we cannot think in a linear fashion. As humans, we are creatures of many moods, many ways of being. There are corners of ourselves that we may never have visited, there are depths of ourselves where we travel to often. And then of course, there is always the issue of self-discovery. Some of us would probably throw "fate," "chance," and other favored aspects of personal philosophy into the mix. But in the end, what we have is the simple fact that we are constantly trying to test ourselves, find ourselves, lose ourselves. And in the midst of all this, there are the curious glances, the hushed voices whispering questions that speak loudly to you -- those questions about "why aren't you married?"

(contd.)

So Mother Nature, whiplashing my window with her rains, coerced me to think about matrimony. No obvious connection there (need there be one?). But her whiplashing my window and young, handsome Shammi Kapoor sweetly serenading his fiery love-interest were such a contrast so well juxtaposed! Only marriage, with the meeting of two minds so often so starkly dissimilar as Nature whiplashing my window and Shammi serenading his sweetheart, filled the bill.

Amidst the cacophony of comments and questions of the curious bystanders peering into our lives, and our own comments and questions about our "selves," marriage happens. Somehow, the merging of two "selves" with their own history of strengths, fears, hopes, hopelessness, victories, defeats, becomes more attractive than the challenge of self-discovery. Or so I would think. Of course, some of us will don our evolutionary biology or psychology hats and theorize endlessly and justifiably. But my question still stands -- When IS the right time to get married? I, for one, have no clue.

An End --------------------------

>>When IS the right time to get married? I, for one, have no clue.

It's okay to be clueless.

Just change your name to SingleGal, you won't need a clue. ;)

Simplegal,
You have articulated the topic very well and Babal responded with a good humour, I thought.

Simplegal,

As you already understood that there is no straight forward answer to ýwhen is the right time"? and why is this?
1. (Perception) Different ppl have different perception about marriage. For this type of subjective question different ppl will give different answer depending upon how they developed their perception about the marriage.
2. ( Need) Depending upon situation, status etc right time for the marriage varies for different ppl so no one can give a pinpointed answer, although all different answers can be equally good, but which to accept?, it again rest on you and only you.
3. (Attitude) Because of the experience or because of set example ppl may have developed positive or negative attitude towards marriage so their answer will depend upon their attitude.

Above mentioned points are more of theoretical nature, now below are some points which are important in practice.

1. If you want to make kids and give them good parental guidance and opportunity early marriage is good because
a) When you kid is teenager you donýt have to face too much of generation gap between you and your kid. When there is not much age difference between parents and kid it is much easier to go along with kids.
b) When your kid is going university, you will still be hard working mom/dad so you can make a significant economic contribution for your kids effort to get BETTER education.
2. If you want to contribute to the marriage life, early marriage is good.
a) Because till 28 we do not develop particular way of living (there are exception, of course) so we can adjust ourselves. After 28, usually we start to develop specific way of life and it is difficult to adjust according to need of the marriage. If both half are very very mature, this does not apply.
b) By the time you get older your kid is already either in university or completed university and working and you donýt need to worry about his future.

There are some disadvantages of early marriage.
a) Both being comparatively young simple dispute may turn into bitter fight.
b) May not have enough money to feel economically secured
c) Early marriage MAY need moderator (parents, relatives)
d) Age 25-30 is usually time to start a long term job and get established in work, so some may feel distracted by wife/husband/kids.

Late marriage has its own beauty.
a) Both may feel economically secure so no kiddy dispute regarding money.
b) Because of acquired matureness easy to handle simple dispute
c) Better understanding of each other (if both are potentially mature enough)

So, what you want? Which one is good for you? If you have already passed the age for early marriage (24-28) you have no choice. The only choice left for you is "marry or not to marry"
Anyway whether it is early marriage or late marriage one need to follow some rules for a marriage to be success. Allow me to point some of those.

a) Respect for each other: You may find that woman/man you married is simple and do not have special character to be respected, that does not matter, you still need to respect her/him.
b) Honesty: No matter what was the past, after marriage both need to be honest to each other.
c) Contribution: Always try to contribute.
d) Positive attitude: You may find that your wife/husband may have some behavior which you may not like, unless the behavior is adversely affecting you take it easy. Who has only good behavior?
e) if you are a wife: Keep the pride of your man, a pride less man is a dead man.
f) if you are a husband: Praise the beauty and creativity of your woman, a woman without a praised beauty and creativity is a dead woman.

Oh, its getting too long, I better stop here.

Cheers
Enjoy the life

you know its time to get married when the subtlest of insinuations (rain and a young Shammi Kapoor for starters) sets you off on a very eloquent if a little too analytical writing spree asking a question that has no right answer. :)

JD....heheheh..dyam ur analytical reasoning are one the best i have ever seen ;o)
and u know what...i think a guy like u..(u are a guy hoina?cos dyam names doesnt mean anything these days..:oP) will be able to show a gal like simplegal..well smtimes marriage is well...maybe about marryin the right type of person for u...not about when..if the person is right for u..well how big the adversit..we should be able to face it together hoina ;o)..

oho JD if u aint married yet..lu...malai dun forget to call me for ur wedding hai..i just think i let the cat out of the bag..that u might be the most right eligible bachelor to be married with in sajha hehe..:oP..

but dyam the right person..urghh we wont ever know until we marry hehe..so anyone who marries JD let me know..what i thought about JD was true or not hai ;o)...hehe :oP

laters..:o)

Thank you Dananah, I'm flattered! With me new-found confidence and savoirfaire (thanks to you), maybe I'll write a declaration to Domi meself.....;)

LOL @ Babaal & John Doe .... Am at a loss for words really!

The marriage reflections were my random ramblings on a rainy Ravibaar .....

JD when ur thinking of doing a good thing...u shouldnt think too much ..just do it ;o)...guess i might have underestimated u...u deserve more respect(everything) for what ur thinking of doing ;o)..cheers :o)

ani simplegal hehe forgot to mention earlier...laughin at what JD posted...but well ur reflection ramblings was good...:o)....enjoyed it..:o)...more pls..;o)


laters...:o)...
sajha is so dead these days..urghh...today was great :o)