good ones

A young man with a wild and multi-coloured hairstyle sits next to an old man on a park bench. The old man stares at the young man.

"What's the matter, old man?" says the young man. "Never done anything crazy in your life?"

The old man replies: "Yeah. When I was in the Navy, I got really drunk one night and had sex with a parrot. I thought you might be my son."

last one was Mblowing

Redneck vacation
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different!

The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn’t get pregnant again."

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?"

Billy Bob says, "This year I’m taking Earline with me."

Here comes the next one

 

George Bush was speaking at a conference recently when he was interrupted to be told the news that 3 Brazilian soldiers had been killed in Iraq. "Oh my gosh that is the worst news I have heard for a long time" he said. "How many is a brazillion?"

Yeah our professor told us this joke in the middle of a class session. Halarious!!!

A Jewish man is distraught because his son has converted to Christianity, so he goes to see his rabbi to ask where he went wrong.

The rabbi says "Funny you should come to me with that, because just last week my son converted to Christianity too."

"That's terrible, says the man. So what did you do?"

"Same as I always do in times of trouble, says the rabbi, I prayed to God."

"And what did He say?"

"He said 'Funny you should come to me with that...'"

A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island.

Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely breathing. She’s also managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship. He makes his way to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing again. She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful and says, "My God, you saved my life!"

He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford!

Days and weeks go by. Cindy and our guy are living on the island together. They’ve set up a hut, there’s fruit on the trees, and they’re in heaven. Cindy’s fallen madly in love with our man, and they’re making passionate love morning, noon and night.

Alas, one day she notices he’s looking kind of glum.
"What’s the matter, sweetheart?" she asks, "We have a wonderful life together, I’m in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?"

He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt?"

"Sure," she says, "if it will help." He takes off his shirt and she puts it on.

"Now would you put on my pants?" he asks.

"Sure, honey, if it’s really going to make you feel better," she says.

"Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks.

"Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does.

Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?"

She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You’ll never believe who I’m sleeping with!"

Very Nice Rai jyu... enjoyed the jokes... please keep it coming... cant stop laughing...

cheers

P.S. enjoy your dhasain tihar with ur loved ones!!

The stunning young redhead at the Doctor's office telling her physician" I don't know what's wrong, Doctor. Every place I touch myself, it hurts. Impossible, says the Doc. Show me. She touches her shoulder...Ouch. She touches her knee...Ouch. Again ouch. She touches he elbow...Everywhere she touches, she winces with pain. The Doctor thought for a moment. He says you're not really a redhead, are you? No, she says, I'm really a blond. I thought so, says the Doc....You've got a broken finger.

Here comes the next one

The lookout aboard a clipper ship spots a pirate ship approaching, and yells down to the captain. The captain orders the bosun to bring his red shirt. The captain puts on his red shirt, and successfully leads his crew in fighting off the pirates.

The next day, the lookout spots TWO pirate ships approaching. He yells to the captain, who again orders the bosun to bring his red shirt. The captain again wears the red shirt as they successfully repel the pirates.

After the battle the bosun asks,
- "Captain, why do you always wear the red shirt in battle?"
The captain replies,
- "Because, if I am wounded, the crew will not see the blood and lose their courage."

The next day the lookout spots SIX pirate ships approaching and yells to the captain. Anticipating the order, the bosun immediately brings the red shirt.
- "To heck with that!" says the captain. "Bring me my brown pants!"

Amish father and son go to shopping centre, see old lady get in to a contraption with sliding doors, doors close, few minutes later 'ding' doors open and beautiful busty blonde gets out of contraption. (lift)
Son says "Father what is that device with the sliding doors"
Father: "No idea son, but quick, go home and get your mother here"

A couple were in a Chinese restaurant and after ordering the husband asked the waiter. "Something I've often wondered. You know how there are Russian Jews, German Jews, French Jews, etc. Is there such a thing as Chinese Jews?" The waiter looked puzzled and replied 'I dunno,I fine out.' Minutes later he returned from the kitchen and said ' No Sir, no Chinese Jews, we only have orange juice, tomato juice and pineapple juice.

good ones rai bro,

keep it coming !!!

sounds great!!!!!!
ghaar januhos enjoy garera aaunuhos. k garnu abhagi ko phuteko karma bhane jastai aaphu ta nepal samjhadai basnu pareko chha.
RAI.

 good ones rai bro. more more please ahhaha