PREVIOUS THREAD AVAILABLE HERE

Coz of the 200 posts per thread limit, i have to continue this thread here. 

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family’s only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her — how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?

In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.

Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, “I’ve seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you.”

The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.The mermaid said to him, “If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right.” And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.

The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in. And there he also met the mermaid. “I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row.”

The young son replied, “Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?”

The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, “Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?” And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, “Why not THIRTY times in a row?”

Finally, she said, “Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health.”

Then the young son asked, “Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won’t kill you like it did the cow?”

 

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?" He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "it's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of home made soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? Or how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?" Again he declines. "No, thanks. It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. "Or would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or, how about a tasty stir fry? That'll only take a couple of minutes...?" Once more, he declines. "Again, thanks, but it's this Viagra. It's really taken the edge off my appetite." "Well, then", she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm [Disallowed String for - bad word]ing STARVING!"

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.

“What size?” asks the clerk.

“Gee, I don’t know.”

“Go see Sophie in aisle 4.” He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, “Medium!” The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.

Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, “Large!” The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.

A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.

“What size?” The kid embarassedly says “I’ve never done this before. I don’t know what size.” The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4.

She grabs him and yells “Clean up in aisle 4!”

After his annual checkup, Bob is shocked to learn that he has somehow contracted a rare disease and has only twelve hours to live. Arriving home in utter despair, he tells his wife the terrible news and begins to cry. Overcome with grief, Helen hugs him tight and says, “Honey, I’m going to give you a night you’ll never forget!”

They go to bed early and make passionate love with an ardor they haven’t felt in years. When they’re done, Bob turns to his wife and says, “Honey, that was *wonderful,* the best we’ve ever had. Can we do it again?” This time it’s even more passionate. Later, as Helen is about to doze off, Bob gives her a nudge and says, “Honey, come on. How about one more time?”

“That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have to get up in the morning!”

Mildred was very depressed when her husband died. She decided that she couldn’t go on in life without him and that she wanted to join him in heaven. Mildred wanted to shoot herself in the heart, guaranteeing death.

But she was afraid she might miss her heart and wind up a vegetable so she called the doctor for some information. “Doctor, where is the heart located?” asked Mildred.

The doctor answered, “Just below the left breast.”

A few hours later Mildred was emitted into emergancy with a gunshot wound to her knee!

dHwasE प्रभो, यो थ्रेड ले मेरो कयौ दिन हरु बनायको छ english मा भन्नु पदा made my day । जीवन मा यै हासो त पाउन गार्हो। तपाईं को सबै लाई हासो सित्तैमा बाड्ने प्रयास को जै होस् ।  

thanks a lot ?-????? ???? 

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday since her husband was at work and her 3 daughters were in school, so she decided to get a pet to keep her company. She walks into the local pet store and tells him that she wants a talking parrot. The clerk tells her that they do have 1 talking parrot, but that she wouldn’t like him.

”Why not? ” She asks.

”Well, he has been around a bit and has picked up some colorful language, and you did say that you have a family,” he replied.

”Well, my girls are old enough and they’ve heard it all. Just let me see him.”

The clerk finally agrees to show the lady the parrot and she insists on purchasing it right away. When she got home she covered the cage with a towel and went to get dinner ready for the family.

When she uncovered the cage, ”Brawkk!” said the parrot, looking around. ”New place. New Madam. Morning Madam.”

”Uh, morning parrot,” she said and then went to make breakfast. A few minutes later her daughters game down stairs, dressed and ready for school.

”Brawkk! New place. New Madam. New Girls. Morning Girls.”

”Morning Parrot,” they replied and went to help their mother get breakfast ready. Soon the man of the house came down unshaven and in his bathrobe.

”Brawkk! New place. New Madam. New Girls. Same old customers. Morning Phil!”

oie dhwase prabhu! khai tyo mathi ko chitra hatako?

la GT bro, your wish granted

 

Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sent her husband to a therapist who wound up treating him with self hypnosis.

To her joy, everything got much better.

However, she could not help but notice that each night, early into their lovemaking, the husband would dash out to the bathroom for several minutes. This tormented her until finally, one night, she followed him.

There, in front of the mirror, she found him applying this therapeutic technique:

“She is Joe's wife… She is  Joe's wife… She is Joe's wife…”

ty bro!

ani nice joke!

A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.

“Twenty bucks,” she says.

He’d never been with a woman like this before, but he decides what the heck it’s only twenty bucks.

They’re getting friendly for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them, it’s a police officer.

“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.

“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”

“Well,” said the man, “neither did I until you shined that light in her face.”

La dhwase prabhu, aaja ma ni tapai lai esso saaath dinu paryo bhanera auta sano joke khasaldai chu, mann pare dhanyabad napare sorry.

One from me too.

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it.

"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pumps of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. Again there was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pumps haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Greetings earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I'll fire!"

The other alien shouted to his comrade, "No, you don't want to make him mad!" But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired.

There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap rather abruptly. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?"

The other alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy, when a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, you don't mess with him."

One friend Texted me SMS:

One more SMS:

 boulevard dreams bro,

saath diyeko ma dherai dherai dhanyabad, and nice joke btw

thanks terobaaje bro and walkahead bro

 

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

He asks, “What for?”

She responds, “I want to kill my husband.”

He says, “Sorry, I can’t do that.”

She then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

He says, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription…”

enjoy this one.

The priest in
a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen
house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went
missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so
he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.



During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"



All the men stood up.



"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a
cock?"



All the women stood up.



"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a
cock that doesn't belong to them?"



Half the women stood up.



"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY
cock?"



All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

Disclaimer : this is just for entertainment purpose, so no emotional attachments please  

Well there was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table that morning and the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.”

“Yeah,” she replied, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”

“I know,” the old man said. “We were probably sitting here as naked as jaybirds fifty years ago.”

“Well,” Granny snickered,”What do you say…Should we?” Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

“You know honey,” the little old lady breathlessly replied, “My nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps, “One’s in your coffee and the other one’s in your oatmeal.”

Hitler
conquered another village while World War 2 and decided to give a chance for
every woman in this village to save their families. He made all men to stand
naked one next to another in straight line and every woman would be blindfolded
and have to find her husband by giving them b’job.

 First woman starts and goes on saying:- Not
mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, Mine!

It’s turn
out she was right so she could walk away free with her family.

Second woman
starts:- not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine
Mine!

Hitler was
surprised to see this and he lined up in between men of village.

The third woman
goes:- not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, not from this village, not mine ……

A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits.

He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.

The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, gets up and starts stripping in front of him.

The husband is confused and asks, Why are you taking off your clothes?

His wife replies, You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay.

The husband says, No, not at all.

His wife asks angrily, Well, what the hell were you doing then?

I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.

An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.

The mother asks the daughter: “what are you doing naked?” The daughter responds:”This is the dress of love.”

When the mother returns home, She strips naked and waits for her husband.

When her husband arrives, he asks her: “what are you doing naked, woman?”

She responds: “This is the dress of love.”

And he said to her: “Well, go iron it.”