I am just throwing it out there coz its killing me to keep this to myself...as I am really not sure wat to do next. Here is the story...my bf whom I had been dating for almost three and a half years proposed last night and I didnt say 'yes' or 'no'. I dont know what to think of it now. Did I scare him off by my non-response? Well, I said..ask me again, later. What was I thinking? GRRR. He said he will ask again, for sure and that he loved me and he went back to his place.

The thing is I always wanted to marry him and we both had started making plans for it, so the proposal didnt come out of the blue..It was expected and he knew that I would say 'yes' too. Still...when the moment came, I think I messed up big time. I know he will ask again and that not my worry, I am just wondering you guys think I let him down. I talked to one of my guy friends and he said that a guy would never want to hear 'ask later' no matter how committed we are. That got me wondering.

He is not a Nepali and its been a big issue for my family and his. They have practically given up and left it up to us to decide where we want to go from here. So we decided we will stick with each other and hope that the family comes around. My family is visiting me right now and had couple of relatives too. My bf was invited over for dinner and things was all well until the details of the wedding came up. He said he will do everything according to Nepali rituals but then the conversation blew out of proportions. No bad words exchanged...but it was very heated, my bf keeping quiet most of the time. After couple of hours of 'go ahead marry him, no dont marry him, he is not a nepali, i hope you are happy, how can you leave us? etc etc' he asked me to step out of the house for a minute. I did...and he got down to one knee and asked me to marry him. I was already in tears for last two hours or so....and I told him that I was just in a state to accept a proposal at this minute. I also said that there is no doubt about me saying a yes, I just thought we could do it when I was in a good emotional state. He agreed and left after saying bye to everyone. Thats the Ramayan version of my life.

So, you think I shouldnt have responded that way? What would it do a guy's ego? Or was the reaction appropriate given the circumstances? I talked to him today and he seemed happy....but guys and their feelings have always been a mystery to me.

Help me clear out my head!!

Swatantratagaamy!
my friend just called and told me, that quote was also in the movie
'Indecent Proposal'
Is he right?

naaa you didnt mess up. Look he was there at the time and he knew how you were and what was going on and all that stuff soo he should be able to understand just dont say the same thing again next time he asks lol cuz that would really hurt a guy. And about your parents its your life not theres and i know its hard to think like that cuz nepali parents are all crazy but its true. It your life you do what ever you want and if they dont accept that then i donno wtf is wrong with em lol. But anywho congrats on getting asked to get married and pretty sure you are gonna get engaged soon so congrats on that too.
Peace

TM bro, Only thing I can remember from that movie is the hot sex scene. He could be right.

i think you need some fresh air and be rational to yourself. It is absolutely normal to react like that in the circumstances you are in right now. My suggestions is after you parents go home, just spend time along for a day or two and let things process in your mind and then make a decision.

You seem to have too many things in your mind right now (meeting parents after a while, et all). So don't blame yourself and just cool down. You need to be in normal situation and then decide.

It would be good to apologize to your bf as well as he must be going through the same and might be feeling insecure because you are all aurrounded by your family. Just talk to him nicely and give him all the love you can ....

get married have kids, and it all works out..tyo euta uukhan cha ni nepali ma....SAU VANDA BYAJ PYARO...ho testai testai ho nani, nati natini dekhe pachi sabai thik huncha.


anywyas, all the best, get married soon, and well the most imp questions...ARE WE INVITED TOO , HOPE SO LOL

I dont see serious problem here at all.

Marriages are supposed to be like experiment or gamble...just like in experiments or gamble it is supposed to be filled with excitement, fun, surprise, adventure and total thrill...and so shuld be the process of doing so.

Personally, I dont care about the end results...because unlike the popular saying "THERE MIGHT NOT BE SECOND CHANCE", in reality life does offer second chances...the thing is you gotta do some research.

Bottom line is if you try hard to please everyone else you'll become the one to be the least pleased in the end.

Bostongirl, for me my parents has and will always come first, but then again you are not me, I say make your parents like the boy before you marry him. It makes all the difference on earth. But then again, my parents wouldn't tell me to not marry a guy just because he is of a different nationality. Maybe your parents do not like the guy because of other things besides his nationality. If I were you, I would double check into it.

An advice from one lady to another!

The most interesting and believable case I have read in Sajha.

However, your last post stirred the pot completely. You mentioned that you said you love him and ARE going to marry him. But you put the proposal off. If that's true then your boy friend will understand (as long as you said you will eventually marry him).
If that part wasn't highlighted in your conversation, then your BF might be taking his time to analyze the situation whether he should continue to subject him to this or not. If he loves you that much, he will come back.

Did you mess up? No, u did the right thing. That is going to be the right thing in a long run (that also tells the boy that you still value your family, and then you both might make an effort to reconcile the differences between two parties). Again, you didn't reject him outrightly. Justice wasn't denied. Court wanted a recess.

Boston girl,
take ur time and decide.but don't keep him waiting for too long. it is okay that u did not answer then and there. all of you were overwhelmed by the circumstances. if u love him and it seems you do, go for it. parents will understand in days to come.decide with a clear head (not easy,iam sure)don't let your emotion get the best of you. iam sure u have had plenty of suggestions here. so i will stop. best of luck in days to come.

Boston girl,It sounds very complex love story. This is not first one , I heard here. Look I got two friends, they married with non-Nepali guys. one friend, reeta was in love with him for 6 years. Even they stayed one year in Nepal. But since they married and come to USA , it chenged everything. the guy try to dominate her emotionally and mentally. Eventhough she was highly educated. One day, he brings the other gal in home and tell her to make drink and dinner for her. Neeta was just living formal life with me, there was not real bond with them, it was like that for 3 years , finally she divorce and lost her precious 9 years with bastards. This is same stories for so many of my friends. Boston girl, Ur Parents love u so much and want best for u always. U seems very very smart, In my opinon, this is risky mode of ur life, try to tackle it.

Remember, Parents are always there for you to help,

ashish, australia

let's see here. huh! kura gahero cha. haatpaat ko kaam laatpaat. If I were you I would take my time. Hold on to "no response" for a while , have sex with him and see if his attitude towards me changes. that way you can test him. If he stills remains your bf , go and tell your parents that you had sex with this naughty boy. then see what happens.

dubai haat ma ladddu

risky decision but worth it. Give it a shot.

Badboys

Hey boston girl..... you know I read the thread very nicely and I am trying to help you out..... all coz you know mah sisters marriage was ruined..... I don't want to see any of the nepalese gals and guys suffering after their marriage.. I wish their life to be happy one...... Well you know there is 2 totally different aspects in ur house boston gal..

One you modern gal wid ur b.f who is in the United States.. you guys definitely have got the 21st century taste within them.....

Well ur parents were not here that long... I guess.. they are pure nepali people you know they lived their married life out there in Nepal.. and they have got the nepali taste of life...... I guess you are proud to be called a Nepalese.......If you marry a guy marry wid him wid whom you'll be happy and after marriage ur family will be happy ever after.......

But you know waht...... bostongirl that's not the case in urs.......... I do favour love marriage.. I do have mah girl friend and we doo have palnneed to marry after 5 years.. that's a lot... well you know what sshe is a nepali gal.. but you know things change in the 5 years.. Well we may marry each other and live happily and we may end up preety soon..... who knows........

Well take marriage seriously.... hai.. you know marriage ain't a joke...... it's a part of life...... after which you'll have a different phase of life.. the pashe of life completely changes.. like the in the life cycle of a frog.. or any living thing......

Well after marriage you wont' be a gal.. you'll be a wife.. and after couple years of marriage you'll me a mom and you will have a family..... you know..
think seriously before you go for the decision...... Think will you be happy after you'll marry him...... coz life is uncertain it brings different bad and good tastes in life..... are you sure that you'll be able to cope wid all those problems that will arise in ur life after you are wid that guy........

And you know what ........ it's sometimes good to change decision....... You know what the last decision made my change ur life..... it may make ur life a good one and who knows it will be better for him.......... there is alot of people in this world.. you know in america people marry more than normal nepalese people do....... So, you are in the world of 21st century..... if you want to go and marry and get divorced if you ain't satisfied wid the life you are living wid the guy.... then go wid ur b.f........

Well if you don't like that kinda of life then go wid a good guy who is frm the nepali society..... I am not a racist...... alright..... you can go wid anyone..... you like I hope the things may turn out good coz you'll be marrying to a nepalese guy and ur parents will be happy.... you know what parents sees a great dream of sending their children to a good home........ you know..........!!!!!!!!!! i hope you know coz it's said daughter knows the pain of parents more than sons re..... malai ta tha chaina....... khai testaii ho jastoo lagcha......

I'll suggest you to go wid a nepali guy..... but I am not forcing you...... well just a kind of suggestion....... well I am a supporter of love marriage.. hai tai pani..... sry for not supporting love marriage this time....... coz you know waht sometimes it's better to change decisions...............

if i was him, i would never ask you again. and never expect to be asked from you. and for you: go find someone your parents like. they love you more than anyone in the world.

I am not talking frm boi coz you know it's ur problem it's not the problem of the guy you know....... he said what he had to.... know it's ur problem to decide.... comon'...... girl

decide properly and plz choose to leave him... I know it's hard...... but also...... you know it's life..........

-rockend

I would never recomend her to leave him (at least for now).....Just go with the flow and enjoy the trill yet have an ultimate 'EXIT' strategy (unlike George Bush) in an event when it seems politically costly to be with him than not to be.

Here’s my own life story..maybe it will help you out..

I think you did the right thing..it wasn’t the right time to propose or to accept the proposal. Firstly because it would’ve felt like you were betraying your parents..and secondly, because it would’ve done been impulsive..

What I did in similar kind of situation was this:
I asked my parents to give me 2 years time to see where the relationship leads to..
I tell the bf same thing..
I asked my parents to happily consent if I still feel he’s the guy I want to get married to after 2 years…
Both agreed..
I got time to think about the relationship and to find out if he was the guy whom I wanted to spend my whole life with..
After 2 years, my father asks me if I still wanted to marry guy??
I said yes..
My bf said yes..
We got married…
And have been living happily ever after….
Now my parents are my husband’s biggest fan..
The moral of the story is …
You need time..not 2 years maybe, but some time..
Talk to your parents..
Talk to your bf.
Communication and time is the key to every problem (that’s what I feel)

If he cannot wait until your ready…he’s not the one for you…
Just sharing what happened to me. Hope it helps in your case too (if you want to try it out)..GOOD LUCK !!

well I guess your parents will choose a guy who can sing this song for you...... re k..
wanted you to chill out in this intense time........ wid this song.......

I hope you'll get a nice way out for ur problem

ooi bostonani,,yaar mero yax girlfriend le pani malai first time reject garera laast bore bhayeko thiyo ni,,reject ta k gareko bhanau,,mero mukh dekhera tarsecha bichari,,huna ta mero mukh tyati khattam chaina,,taipani tyo din kya barbaad bhayeko thiyo,,tyo pani college ko last day..

You made mistake! If you were committed to that level for marrying with that guy, I dont see any reason asking him to ask second time.

Next, listen to your parents voice. They are the people who love you the most.

-BM

Dear Bostonian aka BostonGirl!

I can tell you are not prejudiced at all given your position on the situation of your story

But how come this thread comes into being exactly a day after you were accused of being prejudiced ?

Remember the blog of that nepali guy in Thailand who was in a dilemma whether or not to accept his ex-girlfriend as his sister-in-law. There was so much controversy on that became the most viewed thread for a good number of days.

By looking at my perpective, can you suggest me which one to believe and which one not to and why to believe and why not to?

I think you speak from your heart but the other seemingly bogus stories on Sajha challenge my straightforwardness.

Best wishes to you.