Hi guys, i m having too much of tension and stree these days ! so i just need some of your ideas regarding my problem. Hopefully you'll give me suggestion ..Here's my problem.

I am a college girl and currently i am in United States. I have been in love with this guy when i was in Nepal and i still love him the same. Right now he is in Nepal, he is trying to come here but as he is applying for the Green Card(through his parents, they live in US for many years and they're US citizen), its taking a long time for getting all his paper works done. But whenever i talk to him over phone these days, we always fight..The way he talks is very different. Kehi kura garyo bhane pani maile nakkal garyo bhancha, i know couple of his girl friends(keti sathi) in Nepal, and he thinks that i m copying him..When i colored my hair today and sent him a picture, he says i m trying to follow Sapana(name changed)..I dont know why he treats me like that ? When i was talking with him on the phone, he said you're trying to talk like Sapana, maile nakkal gare re ? so these days i think if i get married to him, how is he gonna treat me like ? is he gonna treat me the same way he's doing right now ? I know i really like the guy and all my families and his families know abt our Love affairs, But at the same time, i am worried abt my future life....Tyo keta sanga bihe garyo bhane, ma khusi nai hudaina jasto lagcha malai...But i wanna get married to him. I feel like my life sucks. I feel like doing suicide these days, i always cry. Since there's no any Nepalese around my place or city, i live alone and that's what i think abt every single days, I can't take any decisions...What i really should do ? Its been like more than 3 years i m in US, i've been living by myself, i rarely go outside, i don't know any nepalese around the city, i feel like my Life Really Sucks...Ahile samma Driver's License pani lina sakeko chaina....ma k garu, kata jaun, I feel like crying every moment...Yeti dherai tension cha malai....I was majoring in Nursing but right now i changed to different subject and now its gonna take me another 3-4 Years,I've to study all the prerequisite...I changed my major cuz i though Nursing would be tough later....I've nobody to help me decide anything...So i came to know abt Sajha.com through one of my friend and i thought of posting my problem in here , so that i could get some feedbacks...Hopefully you guys will respond me with some ideas so that i can do much better in upcoming days.
Thanks a Lot..
Racheeta(somewhere in US.)

Hey,
If the guy is ignoring you, I really dont see any solutions. If he chooses to part ways, the only thing you can do and have to do is to hang on there. Time is the greatest healer and slowly you will start feeling better. This is not easy so you better talk with you parents about this problem, it will help. If you keep it to yourself it is going to take the worst form.

Dont worry about loosing him because if he doesnt want you, he was never yours. Another thing life ma chaheko sabbai kura pauna sakidaina, life ma adjust garnuparchha.

Suicide is, like everybody has said, out of question. Life sab bhanda thulo kura boyfriend/girlfriend haina, family ho especially parents. Think what will they go through if you commit suicide. And you know there are so many people waiting for you to do something, America ma padna aayeko Nepali student ko responsibilty ho ki u nepal ma gayera nepali haru ko laagi kehi garos.

So try to keep yourself cool. THe more you think the more it is going to hurt. Also padhai chahi bigarnu hunna kei bhaye pani.

Unbelieveable !

Dannah/Rhythm.NS and few others - what a long response ! you guyss...should compose a novel or so about such issues ! :)

Racheeta Baini - love garichhau, thikai ho. Experience byayo. You both will move on with or with out having eachother. Life doesn't stop right there, you know that right ?

tara, love sove ko chakkar ma career Dau-ma lagayo bhane chai - you will be srewed up big time.

Padna aaki raichhau pada- summer pachi ko semester ma ta uslai birsi pani sakinchha.

Sancho bhane ho bhane - LOVE SOVE garera kehi napine wala chaina, just waste of ones time -

good luck with your study.

-BD

I think guys are kind of insecured or for whatever reason they act like this. But that doesn mean that you have to listen to him and feel bad at the same time by what he says. I mean seriously why do we need bf or someones company? I think its just to share your feelings, talk to him whenever we want and about whatever we want. And we need support in whatever we do. ( Its same for the guys too..they expect the same thing as well). But if it comes to the point that you are not getting any of those, then its time to think about moving on. Getting married just to make your parents happy or just to protect your relationship doesn help solving things between you guys. So, i think that you should just move on. Try talking to different ppl. It doesn have to be nepali ppl to talk to. U can make friends with whoever you want and its time that will help u forget him. Then you r gonna regret why i kept tolerating that guy for such a long time. Why didn i move on earlier?. Well...just a thought. Good luck.

Khushi - ramro lekhnu bhayo - Why didn I move earlier ? -
ani bhanu bhayo - well ..just a thought-

mutu-ko kuna-bata -auta anubhav- nikalera - bichar- namakaran garnu bhayo. sayad tesaile tapaee -khushi- bhanuhunchha affolai.

well...sometime people think - the deteriorating relationship will work out somehow- and try to maintain it.

Who thinks - why don't i move one, right now ? -

Will Racheeta in this case ?

-BD

Rahetta,
I am sorry to hear about that. there is always misunderstanding in long distance relationship. you are alone here , no nepali frens , without driver liscense may be you feel home sick , nothing to do in weekend and start thinking about ur bf. ani maan ma aaneka kura haru auchha ... this is the problem. I know, that happens.
As someone suggested here , make frens , make yourself busy try to find if any nepalese lives near by your area. If financially possible that go home this summer.
By the way where you live / college ?
DON"T EVEN THINK ABOUT SUCIDE.

Saan Dai

Racheeta,
First thing you need to do is take that suicidal thought completely out of your mind (like everybody else said... duh!!!)
Next thing, get involved, join a sorrority or any organization where you can be around more people. When you are around more people, more people will know you and you will be able to make more friends. Don't hesitate to go out and meet new people, you sound like you are in your 20s, THIS is the time to do "stuff" babe. Pacchi bya sya bhayepachhi ta responsiblity badchaa ani kei garna mildaina, ahile ta ho ni moj garne bhaneko, but by that i don't mean you should be careless. Theres so much things to do here in the US, all you need is just a little bit of confidence in yourself. I also had a gf in nepal when I left for the US, and we also ended up parting ways within not even a year. It happens, long term relationships are very hard to keep, but you know what.... YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO!
Dump that punk asss bf of yours and find another one, someone who will care more about you. Life is too short to be thinking about bullshiit like this all day, trust me, THERES TOO MANY FISH IN THE SEA!!

रचिता बहिनि,

(तिम्रो अंग्रेजी आग्रहको जवाफ सबैले अंग्रेजीमै दिए, मलाइ लाग्यो तिमीलाइ नेपालीमा सुझाव दिदा अझ उपयुक्त हुने छ, किन कि हामीलाइ अंग्रेजीमा ऐया भन्न आएपनि दुख्दा खेरी मुखबाट नेपाली ऐया नै निस्कन्छ । )

माथिका यति कमेण्ट पढेसि तिमीलाइ एकप्रकार को राहत मिलेको हुनु पर्छ । धेरै जसो सुझावहरु राम्रा छन, तर ती सुझावहरुले तिमीलाइ झन मनोगत पो बनाउला कि भन्ने डर भो मलाइ । धेरैले तिम्रो प्रियलाइ नराम्रो चरित्रको रुपमा चित्रण गरेर तिमीभित्र रहेको असन्तोषको ज्वालालाइ बिष्फोट गराउन खोजे जस्तो लाग्यो, तर कुरो त्यति बिग्रीसकेको नहुनु पर्ने हो ।

अमेरिकामा ३-३ बर्ष एक्लैले सबै कुरा धान्नु एकदमै चुनौतिपूर्ण काम हो, जसलाइ झेलेर तिमी आफु कति सक्षम छौ भन्ने प्रमाण दिइसकेकीछौ । तिमीलाइ लाग्दो हो, तिम्रो यो संघर्ष र दु:खको यो गहिराइ तिम्रो प्रियले बुझिदेओस, तर असम्भव । बिदेश नदेखेको नभोगेको नेपालीले बिदेशमा पाउने दु:खको कल्पना पनि गर्न सक्दैन त्यसैले तिमीले गरेका बर्णनहरु सबै उसलाइ अतिरंजित लाग्ने छ उसलाइ, वाहियात र बनावटी लाग्ने छ । नेपालबाट देखिने अमेरीका र अमेरीकामै पाइला टेकेपछि देखिने अमेरीकाको बीच आकाशपातालको फरक छ । उसको हल्काफुल्का टिप्पणीले तिमीलाइ निराश र आक्रोशित बनाउने छ, जसलाइ प्रदर्शन वा प्रकट गर्न तिम्रो टेलिफुनले सहयोग गर्नै सक्तैन । भएको यति हो ।

तनावमा हुने कुराकानीले कहिल्यै शीतलता प्रदान नगर्दो रहेछ । त्यसैले हरेक टेलिफुन वार्तापछि तिमी घोर निराशामा डुब्दा हौ र यसैले तिमी बेचैन छौ ।

राम्रो पक्ष के हो भने तिम्रो प्रिय पनि अमेरिका आउदै छ, जब उसले यहाँको चुनौतिलाइ प्रत्यक्ष आफैले देख्नेछ, तब उसलाइ तिमीले गरेको संघर्षको गहिराइ अवगत हुनेछ, र तिमीले अन्तमा उसको सम्मान र आदर हासिल गर्न सक्ने छौ । तर यदि केटाको चरित्रमा नै कुनै खोट छ भने, उ आफ्नो बाटोमा लाग्ने छ, उसले तिमीतिरको बाटोलाइ वास्ता गरेर बस्ने छैन । यस्ता कुरामा धेरै चिन्तीत भएरै पनि कुनै समाधान निस्कँदैन, त्यसैले चिन्ता धेरै नगर्नु राम्रो होला कि ।

साझामा नयाँ तिमी यदि हौ भने यहाँको नाममा क्लिक गरेर इमेल पठाउन मिल्छ, आफुलाइ उचीत सुझाव दिएको ब्यक्तिसित इमेलमा सम्पर्क गरेर अरु कुराकानी गर्दा पनि राम्रो होला । समय र चाहना छ भने साझा चौतारीतिर आउनु, त्याहाँ चौतारी परिवार नै छ ‍- धेरै ठूलो र एकदम सहृदयी, रमाइला रमाइला, उत्कृष्ट ब्यक्तित्त्वहरु । शायद जीवनमा आशाबादि बन्न चौतारीले दह्रो सहयोग गर्ने छ बहिनीलाइ पनि ।

अपरिचित दाजै
चना, साझाल्याण्डबाट

Racheeta, I fully concur with Chana's points. You had indicated that you were going to Nepal sometime this month on one of your recent threads. Assuming that the plan is still intact, use your visit as an opportunity to sort out any differences. Remember that you will be seeing each other in person after 3 years, and there is a big difference between meeting in person and using other forms of communication. I hope your situation will make a positive turn. Good luck and bon voyage.

Kill yourself…by now I was hoping to read your obituary…

“…I feel like doing suicide these days, i always cry…I was majoring in Nursing but right now i changed to different subject and now its gonna take me another 3-4 Years, I've to study all the prerequisite...I changed my major cuz i though Nursing would be tough later....I've nobody to help me decide anything” Am I reading this right?

I don’t understand how can you even see yourself in the mirror? Demented mind full of crap. Btw, you are dead right, your life sucks!

Racheeta doesn't seem like a girl who's gonna be reading a long nepali writing. If someone can summarize it in english then possibly.

hey rach, dump that boyfriend of yours and find some new one who appreciates you. you don't have to search further!

hey Rachetta ! why don't you take this as an opportunity to grow, explore and correct yourself.? why don't you bring changes? gradual progressive changes are good and helpful. things happen for reasons. to learn from mistakes is a graet challenge and brings you more close to perfectionism. OR simple way " let things happen on its own". be a boat without a boatman in a ocean and explore the ocean whereever wings takes the boat.

Dar All.
First of all i would like to thank all of you for understanding my problem and sharing your ideas with me. I didnt' know i would get so many feedbacks from you guys. I like some of the ideas and your way of thinking and what could possible be done. Some of you were telling me to dump BF which i really don't wanna do. I know as i've mentioned that i m worried abt my future but still i don't know why, i don't wanna dump him. It is perplexed within myself.

I am very delighted with all of your postings. Thanks to Rythm, sillygirl,Chaana_tarkari,Daddy,Kamakshi, khusi, Arrogant and to all of you peoples. You guys rock, I really appreciate for at least giving me some ideas.
chipledhunga- "Yes i m going to Nepal in summer so hopefully i'll be able to solve some of the issues during that fleeting trip.
Sajha.com Rocks. !

hehe

Racheeta,

It seems he doesn't understand life here. Why not try to make him understand that you're not trying to copy anyone. I think he's just insecure and he's trying to put you down. Try to make him understand...a long distant relationship is hard but if you love him from the bottom of your heart and the love is mutual, you guys have to work together to make this work.
Wanting to kill yourself is the wrong way out. That's stupid...why take your life away because some guy isn't treating you well?

I suggest you talk to him, seriously, one on one and explain to him that you ARE YOU WILL REMAIN YOU! Living in the US changes some people but it hasn't changed you.

Your parents know about your love yes... but that's not a reason to stay with someone... would you rather live the rest of your life misery or make a change now when things aren't as complicated?

Hope it all works out.

BTW, you don't need a "nepali" to talk to about this, anyone who is a freind could give you some care and support and try to help you.

affu lai ta yesto lop sop ko kura haru garna aaudaina tara racheeta ko kahani padhera kehi lekhum jasto lagyo.......yeso garnu ni ....uslai sodhnu ekchoti serious bhayera...kya ho kaso ho bhanera...aba ramro kura garcha bhane thikai cha ....tede tede kura garyo bhane just forget him.....dats life....changes do happen in life...timro life ma kati changes aayo hola ramro naramro ...usko pani life ma changes aaye jasto cha.....usko life ko changes ma timi nai change garnu parne rahecha bhane ta dats kinda tough luck ...but dats part of life....changes sangha affu pani change huna siknu parcha...sayad timro ramro ko lagi nai yesto changes haru bhayeko hola.....so filmi duniya tira bhanna ta bhancha...yesto bela dil ko kura sunnu parcha bhanera....tara bakwas......affu le matra maan parayera ta bhayena ni hoina ra......so be strong...face da fact....and i think u sud start a new life now....i mean a new better one....

love ghundruk ko jhol

I guess that this remedy works out for pretty much everybody who has been in USA for a long time and hasn’t been back to Nepal. The main problem here is the pain associated with loneliness than anything else. Just go back to Nepal for a while and everything will be alright. When you’re alone and nobody is around to talk to you and console you, you just start drawing your own conclusions by living in your own secluded world and getting more and more depressed everyday. The first thing that you wanna do is to get transferred from your current school to some place where you find more Nepalese. Second, you need to learn to make up your mind: You ruined few years of your life choosing the wrong major; now, don’t ruin your entire life by choosing the wrong partner. Also, people don’t commit suicide for not being able to make up their minds. You haven’t even tried anything to resolve your issues – think about the suicide only when your attempts are unsuccessful. Good Luck!

HEY NOTHING suggestive but if my boyfriend didn't care about me, I'd like murder him, literally. LOTS OF WAYS to hurt(jealous) him, not physically, yk. I'd do ANYTHING that'd make ihm come to me then if at the end he comes, I'D slap his face. MUAHAH. ;]

How old are you Aznshawty? Just curious!!!

Turned 19 on March, thx.