Note: Apologies frm de Lady for the " A" words.
===============================================*

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know -- take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying, "Hello."

I politely said, "Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I realized I had called the wrong number. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had accidentally transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.


When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?"

He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"


One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window . . so, I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole ( I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole."

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called asshole #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are...!"

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.

When I got there, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and the channel 13 news crew.

NOW, I feel better - This is "Anger Management" at its very best.

well, that last one was alright. but i don't know magar bhasa. i'm just typing random nonsense and fooling everyone! ha ha ha ha................

:(...No jokes for sumtime now...Palpali gave dhoka....jhyal too :(:(

no jokes for me?

hey lady croft, have a heart! that was my joke!
i'm ready for some more laughs. and if not for me, do it for redstone!

Awwww.....Palpali,here are sum more jokes for you. [ Red gets only sum rato dhunga ko hits frm moi ! :p ]

A guy bought a brand new car stereo, top of the line, brand new technology. When he said Rock, the radio would turn to a rock station. When he said Classical, the radio would turn to a classical station. When he said Country, the radio would turn to a country station and so and so on. One day he was driving down the road listening to some rock when some kids jumped in front of him. He slammed on his brakes and yelled "F***ING KIDS" and sure enough Michael Jackson started playing on the radio.

# What does MJ and Kmart have in common?

Answer: They both have little boy\'s pants 1/2 off

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MJ's bedtime in Neverland :
How can you tell when it is bedtime in the Neverlands?

A: When the big hand is touching the little hand.


P.S. I believe sumone out here liked MJ jokes ! :p

woah, those are pretty racy. good fun! thanks......

here i am seeing some dirty ones too so i have some to add up.

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.

She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th."

Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help."

He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.

She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."

"No, I wouldn't," he said.

She said, "I sell tampons."

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"

A British doctor says "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a brain out of one man, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor says, "That's nothing, we can take a brain out of one person, put it in another and have him preparing for war in four weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind, we just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work, and the other half preparing for war."

This is dedicated in fond memories of SUPERMAN :(:(:(:(

Okay a guy (we'll call him Fred) walks into a bar and sits down by another guy. The guy says that he will bet fifty bucks that he could jump off the top of the building, and bounce back up, so Fred says okay and shakes his hand.
The guy jumps down and sure enough he comes back up. And after Fred gives him the money he says" How did you do that?" . The guy says you just jump first. So Fred tried and SPLAT he's all over the ground!
The guy walks back down to the bar and the bartender cries out "You are cruel Superman!"

So, there's this bear, and a rabbit running through the woods
they hit each other and start fighting,
until a tiny blue dragon says "STOP! if you do I shall give you each three wishes
The bear says OK
The rabbit says OK

The bear says "I wish all the bears in the county were girls, except me."

The rabbit wishes for a harley

The bear says "I wish all the bears in the state were girls, except me."

The rabbit wishes for a speedboat

Then the bear says "I wish all the bears in the WORLD were girls, except me!"

The rabbit says "I wish the bear was gay."
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Divine Intervention

Three men are being carted off to meet Madam Guillotine during the French Revolution. A Frenchman, An Englishman, and A nerd.
The Executioner leads the Frenchman up the stairs and locks him in. He asks the Frenchman if he has anything he wants to say. The Frenchman says Vivre La France! The Executioner then pulls the cord but the blade fails to fall. The crowd goes wild, it's divine intervention and the Executioner lets the Frenchman go free.
Next he leads the Englishman up, locks him in and ask's if he wants to say anything. The Englishman says, Tis a far better thing I do, tis a far better place I go... The Executioner then pulls the cord, and again the blade fails to fall. The crowd erupts, another divine intervention. The executioner lets the Englishman go free.
He then leads the nerd up the stairs, locks him in and says, is there anything you want to say? The nerd reply's "Well yeah, I think I see your problem up there !"
===================================================*~

A zebra escaped from a zoo and it hit onto a field full of cows.

The zebra walked up to one and said: 'Hello Love, what do you do around here then?'

'I eat grass all day, and get milked morning and night,' replied the cow.

'Oh,' the zebra said and went over to another cow. 'Hello Love, what do you do around here then?' He asked again.

The cow repeated the same.

The zebra then walked over to a bull. 'Hello,' he said. 'What do you do around here?'

The bull gave him the once-over and said: 'Get those PYJAMAS off and I'll show you.'

====================================================~*
Have You Seen My Dog?

The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone. After
unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband got in the car and went
looking for him.

He drove around the neighborhood for some time with no luck.

Finally he stopped beside a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen
our dog.

"You mean the one following your car?" they asked.

lady, the bear and the rabbit was great!

here's one for you, in lieu of not teaching you magar bhasa....

in a remote nepali jungle, there is a war waging between an elephant and an ant. the ant is planning an ambush when he hears an elephant coming. so the ant takes its position and when the elephant gets near, the ant attacks! it jumps out of a tree onto the elephant's back. the elephant starts shaking until it falls down to the ground. then the ant starts teasing the elephant and running around its ankles, tickling it. the elephant gets pissed off and says "ma ta laai samatera, ta laai mari dinchhu!" the ant gets scared and starts running away. the elephant chases after it. they run through the thick jungle, around trees, through creeks, and, not surprisingly, the elephant loses sight of the ant. the elephant looks all over, yelling threats the entire time. then, the elephant comes across a tiny mandir in the middle of the jungle and IMMEDIATELY, he knows the ant is inside! how does he know?






the elephant sees six tiny chappals outside the mandir!

Awwiiiieeee !
Palpali, that was so chweet! *Imagins tiny blue chappals (Hatti Chap) on an itsy bitsy ant* :):):)

Gracias, for the joke ! and if you really do knw sum bhasa do tell....I dunn knw nothing ! :S

la la la
raamro chha bhanneko: shey cha lay
bhok laagyo bhanneko: tuk runchee ma-ley
mitho chha bhanneko: jhap ma-ley

ahile laai tyatti ho.....

One day, the same ANT and the ELEPHANT were walking through the jungle. The ant turned around, and whispered in the elephant's ears...........phooos, phooos, phooos....!!! The elephant stopped in his tracks and fell unconscious!!!!

What had the ant whispered to the elephant?????































"Kasailai nabhana hai.... Maai teri bacchey ki maa banney waali hun!!!!"

"Kasailai nabhana hai.... Maai teri bacchey ki maa banney waali hun!!!!"


AAAAAAAAH!! SITARA, r u serious ...omg! what am i going to do now??

Confused honey: I had always suspected, you are myopic too!

Palpali and Sitara dd, lai tyanQ ! the ant and elephant in question rocks! :):):)
Confused is adorable as alwayz. :p
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Whats the strongest letter in the alphabet?
~ P, even Superman can't hold it !
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------*~
A man buys a millipede from a pet store. The Petshop tells him not to send the millepede outside for any work.

The man asks it to clean the floor, finishes it very fast.
Next the man asks it to wash the dishes , it finishes it in no time
The man then asks the millipede to go to the shop and get a pack of cigarette
It goes out and didn't return for hours.
He goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the millipede sitting right outside. What's the story?!'

The millipede says, 'I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just puttin' on my shoes!'
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A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, 'Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!'

The panda yells back at the bartender, 'Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!' The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:

'A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.
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A man was out walking his pit bull and decided to stop in the neighbourhood tavern for a quick beer. Some moments later a second man entered the establishment and asked, 'Who owns the Pit bull outside' The first man answers 'I do, why?' The second man says 'well my pet chiuahhua is out there killing it.The first man says that's ridiculous. The second man says 'suit yourself, but he's choking to death on it.'
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Humor In Uniform

I was visiting my parents with my new husband, a Navy frogman, when he drew
me aside.
"I don't think your mother likes me," he said. "I was explaining
that I can't wear my wedding ring when I dive, because barracudas are
attracted to shiny things and might bite off my finger.
And she said, 'Well,can't you wear it on a chain around your NECK? "

Thousand Miles.

A mouse and a lion walk into a bar, and they're sitting there chugging away at a few ales when a giraffe walks in. 'Get a load of her' says the mouse, 'I fancy that!'
'Well, why not try your luck?' says the lion.

So the mouse goes over to the giraffe and starts talking to her, and within five minutes they're out the door and gone into the night.

Next day, the lion is in the bar drinking away, and the mouse staggers in. And I do mean 'staggers'. The mouse is absolutely stuffed, worn out, ruined, an ex-mouse (and no, it wasn't Ex-Mouse Eve).

The lion helps his pal up on to a stool, pours a drink down his throat and says 'What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the giraffe, what happened after that? Was she all right?'
The mouse says 'Yeah, she was really something else - we went out to dinner, had a couple of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the night. And oh, man! I've never had a night like it!'

'But how come you look like you're so battered?' asks the lion.

'Well' says the mouse 'between the kissing and other things, I must've run a thousand miles!'

Palpali, you mean bhoot ! :( Satyansh bhaijawos !Ta-thas-tu!
I just tried the new phrases frm the bhasa on my Magar friend and she gave meh such a Dishum! that I look like Captain Pirate today ! :(:(:(