Hi all. I am 25 and I am having a serious quarter life crisis. My boring story goes on like this.

 I am from an average middle class family in Nepal, so since the day I landed in states I had to work my ass of to pay bills for my college and living. I was really good with my studies like you know getting good grades in SLC, plus 2 bullshit. Anyways my transition to states was not as bad as I hear of but not really good either. Most of the time I had to be cautious with my bills and sometimes I had to work extra hard or ask my family for financial support to pay the bills and dues. Hard work bla bla bla I did graduate and got offers. Something told me to go for grad school and I started it. And got a few papers published too. I have no regrets whatsoever.

 In the end in retrospection when I look at my personal life it despairs me because at 25 I have very few good friends I can count on. Tonight was the worst when I couldnt even find anybody to drink with. I am a cynic at heart and I tend to have worst first impression. But people who know me from a long time know that despite my acerbic bitterness and hatred towards everything in general, I am a good person at heart like you know somebody you could count on. I know it is not something I should be telling but its true and I got to accept that. With all that existential bullshit, I cant seem to find a stance and position myself and be a person I want to be. I am in a shitty relationship that we both know it is not going to work, and besides that I have no motivation, driving force or an inspiration. All that used to inspire me seems like a total bullshit and despite all that "its a wonderful world" euphemism, I somehow get mad at it. I now have a more difficult time in approaching people to befriend as my self-esteem and self-confidence has gone down the drain. I would rather hide behind my desk. Believe it or not my weight has gone down by some pounds and I am actually scared that I might be heading down the vicious road towards depression.

 Now what the [Disallowed String for - bad word] is happening to me, and how to fix this mess? Last week I went to Barnes and Nobles and got two books on self-help but they have been lying at my desk and I can barely go through a couple of page. I already hate them. I have become a freak. Can you imagine my frustration. I am the same person who used to read at least a couple of books when I was in high school. Its been four years and I havent even finished a single book except that book/ poem collection by Bertolt Bretcht. What the [Disallowed String for - bad word] is happening? Where is my salvation? Am I really a pathetic person? 

I like the sunscreen song

Bittersweet_Symphony:

Everyone has to go through the same/similar phase despite of their race/age/sexuality/status/IQ-level etc. :-)

I hope that helps coz by default human nature seems to be relatively happy if they see other going through the same phase.

Anyways, its good that you let it out in this social forum. Trust me dude, there are lots of folks who simply shout out here in nonsensical way in other peoples thread. At least you have your own thread and valid reason to put forward.

~Peace

Hi bittersweet symphony,
If it is of any relief let me tell you that I was in a similar situation few years ago. Unfortunately for me, I took anti-depressant for months before I decided to do some mediation and read some books by buddhist monks to get things in order and change somewhat my way of thinking to stay positive.

What really struck me when reading your posting is not the problem you are facing as it seems quite common as many here seem to have faced as well but it is the subject of your posting itself.

I too pondered for many months why I was different and why others seemed to not face similar problems in life or why their life seemed better than mine. I started looking at my upbringing and understood why I am the way I am. I was sent to a boarding school at the age of 7 until 12. I hated it. I used to cry, run away from the house when it was time to go back to the boarding school after each vacation. The whole boarding school experience was a torture for me. Getting beaten up and bullied by elders, hostel staffs, not being able to see my own brother who was older than me but was in another building of the same boarding school when I felt venerable. But then the atmosphere at home was not any better. My mom is depressed and has always been. My dad was a workaholic who was never home. My dad never spent much time with us or took the family anywhere and my mom complained about it a lot. They used to argue all the time. Thankfully my dad was not a violent man. I could feel that my dad expected a lot from us when we got older. He expected us to make him proud by holding some prestigious positions in jobs or by earning tons of money. Sometimes I even felt like he was ashamed of us. He was nicer to other people and kids of his colleagues but hardly cracked a smile at us. My mom on the other hand worries a lot. If I have a problem, I don’t even tell my mom and because if I do my problem will become ten times worse. She used to constantly argue and make us feel guilty. In brief, my childhood was not that great.
I sometimes wondered why I was living a lonely life so far from home. I make a decent living here. But my parents back home are quite well off. I could have a comfortable life back home. But I want to do something of my own. And most importantly, I want to be far away from the atmosphere that is at my parents place. My parents sleep in different rooms. They hardly eat together on the table. But I do see them sharing jokes and laughing a lot together. And this gives me some hope and makes me want to go visit them sometimes.

These are a few transcripts from J.K. Rowling's Harvard Commencment Speech. For some odd reason, I like it even better than Steve Job's Stanford speech. I went through the same crisis you did but now I am glad that I rode the tide. It makes you stronger and more determined afterwards.

"Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me."

"Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. "

"Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality."

"Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way."

"The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned."

"So given a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes."

"So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

                                                                                                                        - J. K. Rowling

One thing I have notice abt failure is u have to remain in positive circle not with someone who pulls your leg or want to destroy u by any means.
Remaining within positive circles somehow create waves of positive energy, and hence success.

as iindra jee have said, that is true , one has to stay away from fasccist group who will uses any means to destroy , and should be close with positive guys,
but i also wants to add that one also needs to have healthy work envirn, a person usually spends 1/3 of life working , so success is guided by that too, u have to maintain healthy relationship with coworker and stay awy from senior coworker even though fren who has mentality of torturing as if u r in SS camp to junior with less exp in THAT field.
so positive ppl with positive work envirn also means success.

how can u forget me,peeeoriadentist
THis dentist and family, whereever they have put their foot, have destroyed the realtionship, if it was between brothers , or between sisters or even if between husband and wwife, they first  enter house with so friendly manner

if dont believe , have proof of neibours, even relatives , or even their own mamaandmaiju,this time became succesful again  with the help of baramase wife as a coordiantor , and lima karna, suumita ammatya, depace zoci help as well as some mandale group help
god is great,he will punish later if not now to culprits

for u will be fine as god is with u.

 Hi guys, 
I waited for a couple of weeks because I wanted to see if I could change my life in some ways and I did take some of your advices/perspectives into account. After all action speaks more than words.
First of all thanx to riddle, old_jeans, freedom2012,  junkynfunky, kiddo, rethink, pshrestha78, no_more_crush, ghampani, inndrashres, darling etc... I really appreciate you guys taking your time in putting forward your opinions so eloquently. Although I wouldn't brag that my life has drastically changed, it did change a little and I guess little things do matter in the end.

So to start up I started running. I ran and ran. First couple of days it was hard but I kept pushing. I felt so angry for some reasons in the beginning but gradually I kept doing it. Now I have been doing that for quite a time now. Yesterday I hit 4 mile in 34 mins (with a 5 min break) and I am pretty happy about it. I feel so much relaxed. Besides that I have gone to gym twice but I really want to be there more often. I know I am a slacker but I am still trying.
 Following kiddo's advice I joined couple of meetup groups (meetup.com) and I have already made two new friends, one of them lives near me. I never really wanted to hang out with Indian for some reasons (Not coz I had that mentalitiy of hating all Indians which I think is stupid anyways. After all in terms of human evolution we are closer to them than to caucasians or any other kind..Just saying). So far he has been a nice lad. I, in fact opened myself for some change (just like what junkynfunky mentioned). 
 I have been finding (or still trying) new hobbies, approaching people without skepticism, and doing things that I used enjoy. I think I am starting to like outdoor stuffs. Still I feel like I am not there yet. But even a failed start is a good start. I hope everybody in my situation/position can feel better and be able to enjoy life.
Thanks for reading this. I appreciate your time.
Adieu!

@bittersweet,

that is a good start!. One thing you always have to remember is that in order to enjoy life, you have to be happy. In order to be happy, you need to remove the bad energy within you.

Anger, Hate, Jealousy, Greed never lets one be happy. This is where sacrifice comes in. Many a times, you have to lose just in order to build on your positive energy. Once you make that a habit, you will find happiness in letting others win. Life is not always about winning!.

All the best once again.