TYING A KNOT TO A MAN OR TO THE $$$$$$? | Tuesday, August 16, 2005
- By Astitwa Team

A girl getting married to a man residing in foreign country, earning in dollars or pounds is being a very major concern of our Nepalese society. Its a kind of fashion growing up in our culture. Parents are so much fascinated when they receive such marriage proposal for their daughter. They are on the seventh heaven thinking of their biggest dream coming true. Every parent dream of their daughter getting married to a very gentle, educated, and rich guy from a reputed family. They make quick decisions at the very moment without thinking the consequences of the marriage. They neither bother asking their daughter nor even try to make enquiries regarding the guy. They find their daughters being very lucky for her changed fate after such proposal. But the convergence of such dream into reality can make your life fragile.

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TYING A KNOT TO A MAN OR TO THE $$$$$$? | Tuesday, August 16, 2005
- By Astitwa Team

A girl getting married to a man residing in foreign country, earning
in dollars or pounds is being a very major concern of our Nepalese society. Its a kind of fashion growing up in our culture. Parents are so much fascinated when they receive such marriage proposal for their daughter. They are on the seventh heaven thinking of their biggest dream coming true. Every parent dream of their daughter getting married to a very gentle, educated, and rich guy from a reputed family. They make quick decisions at the very moment without thinking the consequences of the marriage. They neither bother asking their daughter nor even try to make enquiries regarding the guy. They find their daughters being very lucky for her changed fate after such proposal. But the convergence of such dream into reality can make your life fragile.

In many cases, we can observe that, parents do not even find it necessary to tell their daughter, not even ask them if they really want to tie a knot with such guy or not. The first and foremost reason behind this is the common psychology of people i.e. the guy living in foreign country or holding a green card (citizenship) is a perfect match to their daughter because he is financially strong enough to make their daughter happy through out her life. Secondly, marrying to a green card holder will make very easy for any girl to go abroad. Parents even start fantasizing of their daughter enjoying her beautiful moments in the foreign country. People need to understand that there is a vast difference between the reality and the fantasy. There are the cases where the results are positive. But mostly, marrying to such guy to abroad has yielded negative results. We might be unaware of this fact or trying to avoid it in order to bring into people's focus.

Most of the guys come back to their home country, because they have a pressure from their family. Every parent wants their son to get married to a Nepali girl. And the guy being ensured of the girl taking good care of his family, gets ready for the marriage, even if they had already tied the knot in abroad. In general, parents are unaware of what their son is doing outside of Nepal, whether he is addicted, involved into any crimes, married or involved in some affairs etc. Since they far away from their parents so there's no point that their parents can suspect at them and even they do not speak the truth to their parents. They just satisfy their parents by getting married to a Nepali girl and leave their wives at their parent's place for their care. And returns to abroad so that he could easily enjoy his days with another girl.

Here, we present the most cruel but yet very real incidents of Nepalese women. One of our regular visitors of astitwa.com from kathmandu, named Ishita came to us and spoke her story. She has been one of the victim of such incident. Ishita shares her dead past of her life and further suggests every parent to be aware of their daughter getting married to a guy from any foreign country.

*Ishita, the youngest and the most loved daughter among three, was a very career oriented girl, trying to continue her study abroad. At such time, she got a marriage proposal from a guy studying and working in United States of America. With such news, her parents were very much delighted and even she was excited of completing her studies in States. But, at the first night of marriage, her husband says that he is not a virgin and had sex with many girls. Though, at this time we take it normal but it was a great deal during her time. She was disturbed after listening to him because she was brought up in the conservative society which says sex before marriage is a crime.

After one month of their wedding, the husband returned to United States, promising that he will make various arrangements for her to study there. She left her studies behind and stayed in her new home taking care of her in laws. As time passed by, the guy made different excuses for not managing visa to United States and such fake promises continued to eight months. The guy got back to Nepal because of her frequent enquiries in the same matter. And the husband showed his true colour.
He blamed her for having love affairs with guys, during her college time. Anyhow, she convinced him saying if I had any affair then I would have got married to him not to you. When the guy had nothing to reply, he shows himself bad offering her to smoke, booze, have drinks with him. Later, when he felt that she won't leave him then he tried another way, by giving her physical, mental and sexual torture. Despite of such odds and difficulties, she neither spoke with her parents nor shared with her friends. She remained quiet hoping to change him after she goes abroad with him.

Finally, the husband of Ishita revealed the truth that, he is already married with an American girl. And he has two kids, one from first wife and another from second wife. He also said that he got to pay some kind of fees (in terms of money) for his divorced first wife. And, Ishita was the third woman of his life. Still, Ishita was strong enough to face every challenges further. She gave him a fair chance because it was his past. And told him that I am your present, a part of your life and we could easily start a new life. The husband's question make her stand in a dilemma :"Do you really love me or not? If yes, then you should prove by giving divorce to me." But she denied giving divorce because she wanted her relationship to survive. The husband got another trick for fooling her, saying it would be difficult to get visa for her if they apply together for visa. So, they need to apply separately and to apply separately, we need to get divorced. And then she could apply for student visa. He promised her to get married, once she lands to United States. She agreed to her husband and got divorced without any property claim. Then, he again flied to United States but neither made any arrangements for any college admission nor for visa. He again blamed her for having affairs which was untrue. Since, he was legally free from her, no laws could bound him to get back to her. And the poor girl still kept on waiting for his response for three months and finally ended up with no communication as well.

This story describes how much Ishita has suffered through out her life. In our society, a divorced girl is always being watched by the hungry eyes and not even treated well. Later, Ishita completed her education and now has a good that helped her to be established in the society.*

Another Nepali girl named, Reema, from terai region, is the victim of similar case. She is from a very reputed and rich family. In her case, the guy had already married to a Muslim before getting married to her. Parents, though knowing their son's story, asked him to get married to Reema just to get the dowry and unpaid servant for the family care. After the wedding, the guy returned to abroad yet he often rang her at home. Later, the guy got back to Nepal and took her abroad. He ignored her, came home late, and even blamed her for having affairs with other guys. Reema came to know from her neighbor that her husband is already married. When asked to him, he could not deny it.

With such confusion and betrayal from her husband, she talked to her parents and in laws. Then, they both got back to Nepal. At home, the guy promised in front of all his family members that he will not go back to Bangladesh, if her parents bear all the expenses to get him established in India. As per his demand, Reema's parents gave him the cash and provided him a job in Delhi, in a hope to see their daughter's married life happy. But in return, he turned out be untrue and unfaithful. He had no real love for her, only a desire for financial gain. He called his first wife from Bangladesh and within that gap, he took Reema back to Nepal. Then, the cheater returned to India and stayed with his first wife and vanished out there. Finally, her marriage was also a failure like Ishita.

Thus, the above cases shows that the condition of both marriage has already hit the path of no return in the future. Parents need to think twice before getting their married to a guy studying and working in abroad. Girls should think today because today determines the fate of your destiny.

hmm
life,trust,faith,insecurities bound with it,destiny uffo!

thanks for sharing suniti!

The story is too vague and does not have the "punch". Could have been better :)

Although the article per se is little or more relevant in today's context, prastuti chai khasai lagena hai. Honestly. :)

What about we Honest Men huh? Hehe.

What about sunrise, what about rain... what about all the things we say they are to gain????? Did you stop to notice, all the happy couple in US, did you stop to notice - the love-trust-sharing-caring they enjoy....... aawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. ;)

Michael Jacko deko ni.

In jest,
Indisguise:)

i am sure this is one in a 100 story and there is no need to exaggerate on the whole story. This happens to families who are too greedy and want to marry off their daughter to some one staying in USA so that they can have a better status among their peers and talk about it. Good for them and unless people don't relize the importance of relationship in marriage..these things are bound to happen.

This is just a normal story... and again it lacks all the ingredients of good story writer. Please hire an EDITOR.

Please do some good research on other topics...this shows the lazy works of another NGO worker in Nepal

This paper has zero evidence to back its claim. If the author claims to have proven his/her point by citing just two examples, then, well, I can prove that 4 is the largest number of all.

C grade paper.

hmmm....interesting. Well I guess there is always a risk with marriage. Most of the time, ppl do not really know their prospective spouse beforehand. And even after years of marriage, people change. So the best solution for the faint hearted is to remain single.

But i agree that the difficulty of doing a proper background check on a suitor living abroad carries a higher degree of risk. In efficient (financial) markets, higher risk is rewarded with higher returns. i guess the marriage market is no different. ppl are willing to take the extra risk for the higher standard of living, and the freedom from meddling sasu sasuras to do whatever they want.

My grade for the essay: B-

I gave it a B because it was poorly written, and quite frankly i found the lachrymose tone rather annoying. The minus (-) was for ending the essay with the useless and obvious statement "....today because today determines the fate of your destiny. "

Oh what a victimized society we live in ... sad but true I guess

yup its always true guys cannot be trusted.. (o:

i am sure there are ppl like me victimized by so "portrayed naive" of the east.

hey indi.... what happened? u let me down bro....

I thought astitwa team were some what good. Now after reading the story i found they are just F*CKING CRAP. The story about YASMI ( from sikkim ) is nobody but rashmi herself. U f*cking rashmi keep it up ur prostitue profession but stop creating false story to show urself clean . Dont c urself clean by comparing other dirty person. U r dirty and always dirty.

Wt is tht bloody ashitwa teams no...i need to call them bastard. They have make dissabled their suggestion link because of fear. Loosers.

This does not only apply to guys, I have seen girls do that too. One of my classmates went to Nepal and married a girl from Nepal. He brought her to the USA and after a year a so once she got her green card she ran off with another guy she met here.

It is true that parents do tend to fantasize about their daughters getting married to green card holders but the way "astistwa team" has presented the article is very unprofessional and lacks proper credentials. I do not think that people should be judgemental regarding this issue. Putting forward mere one or two two stories of unsuccessful marriages out of hundreds and thousands is just lame.

Reminds me of this hindi movie called "JISM" where a guy sues a girl for sexual assault. In our society, it is more of the norm that a girl is being made a victim of, but in today's day's and age, we need to rise from sexual discrimination and work on issues together more than provide obstacles along the way of working together.

Let's not lose track of the fact that there are two sides of the coin.

the article seems a little exaggerated..but it's no exaggeration that men in the US (these days women have followed suit) rush to find a suitable partner back home.

Manab, it is not the 'greediness' of families that urges them to get their daughters marry away with a man living so far. If you were living in Nepal, you'd probably realize- future in Nepal is bleak, and offers little for enthusiastic educated lots. specially, if one belongs to low middle class and your son/daughter is opting for bigger challenges in life, what do parents do? its not their fault. and conventional thinking as theirs still is, parents feel that relationship will fine tune itself after marriage...

Yo ketiharu lai ke bhako achel, Astitwa team ko article dekhe ki criticism lyayi halnu parcha? Do you think you are that much educated just by stepping foot on some foreign soil?

In another thread also, there was an interview with a prostitute and lots of uneducated criticisms. Do you know you have sussed out the objective of that particular NGO in the first place? Their objective may be to just create social awareness or to encourage the govenrment to legalize prostitution and so on and so on. They may or may not be following their stipulated objective through their articles, we dont know that just by reading one article in the internet. Why do you have to comment about their story-writing capability there?

By the way, I did not know that prostitution had advanced to this level in Nepal now. Someone, obviously with a very high opinion about himself/herself was saying ' whats so new? Everyone knows about it'. Excuse me!

nauseating !!!

hana ma bihe garna nepal jane belama ke ke jati post garera nepal ka keti haru le padhe bhane malai garo pardaina. bichara ma 30 naghisake ajhai virgin chhu.aru ko pani sochnu paryo

There may be such issues but the way asstitwa team is presenting its pure layman way. They are misusing the media. The article shows every man in us do the same thing ( double marrige). Half knowledge is dangerous bhaneko tehi ho.