My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

 

She asked, 'What's on TV?'



 I said, 'Dust.'



 And then the fight started...



 ------------------------------------------------------------------------



 My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3

seconds.'



 I bought her a scale.



 And then the fight started...



 ------------------------------------------------------------------------



 

 When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace

expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.



 And then the fight started...



 

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------



 

 After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social

Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's licence

to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realised I had left my

wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have

to go home and come back later.



 The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my

curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof

enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.



 When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the

Social Security office.



 She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten

disability, too.'



 And then the fight started...



 

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------



 

 My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I

kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a

nearby table.



 My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'



 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to

drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she

hasn't been sober since.'



 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?'



 And then the fight started...



 

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------



 

 I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my

order first.



 "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."



 He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""



 Nah, she can order for herself."



 And then the fight started...



 ---------------------------------



 A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror.



 She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel

horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.



 I really need you to pay me a compliment.'



 The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'



 And then the fight started.....



 ------------------------------------



 I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.



 Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.



 I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold

cream.



 And then the fight started....



 --------------------------------------------



 My wife asked me if a certain dress made her boobs look big. I told her

not as much as the dress she wore yesterday



 and then the fight started.....



 ---------------------------------------------



 A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.



 Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.



 The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man

'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'



 So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the

window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and

to his car as fast as he could go.



 A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed

at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'



 The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'



 And then the fight started.....



 ------------------------------------------------



 

 

 I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"



 It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.



 "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.



 So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"



 And that's when the fight started....



  ------------------------------------------------



 My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were

in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to sleep?"



 "No," she answered.



 I then said, "Is that your final answer?"



 She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."



 So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."



 And that's when the fight started....



 --------------------------------------------------------------------



 When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me

that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to

take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always

something more important to me.



 Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.



 When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,

busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

 

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was

gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a

toothbrush.



 'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep

the driveway.'



 and then the fight started...

Good one MujiKanchha........ 

Here is one...

After returning to home yesterday I asked my Wife "what she would like for dinner, she said anything"....so I told her thats okay, I am not hungry you can eat anything from the refrigerator..

and then the fight started...

 

NepaliThita

nepalithita,

ur one is cool too..... ;-)

nice :d

:D :D

 

superb guys, especially the one where man jumped off the window later found out that was her wife

just wanted to add up one i found somewhere::::

 

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then all the hell broke loose...