Here is an interesting question to all sajhaites! You are here, your parent is there but you have a family here but your parent still expects a lot from you in terms of financials because you are in U.S of A for christ's sake and they sponsored your initial arrival here.
How do you handle this?

We think of expecting nothing from our kids at all over here. Is this culture shock to parents if we say so?

How have you been handling this?
Revival

Yah: this is indeed a very difficult sitution that haunts almost every middle class kid.

"No one will understand you more than your parents" - I disagree with this one... Unless your parents have seen how money is made and spent in US, they will not understand you. Pretty much guaranteed.

How do you handle this. I think you should just tell them that it is not possible to commit a fixed amount periodically but also what and how you will be able to help. Educate them about your expenses in the US, eg. mortgage, insurance etc. etc. etc.

Finally, to Sheetalb's comments.. You cannot make that comparison. The commitments get tougher once you have a job. When you are a student, you worry about your tuition, food/rent but when you work, there are million other things you have to worry about. First, you have to have enough in the bank just in case you get laid off.... I don't believe "Lay off" exists in Nepali dictionary so it is not easy for them to understand why you need such thick cushion if you lose your job.

Revival,
I do not think KG's logic is out of context as well. If we do not spend extra money in here, we would not even have to talk about this issue in here. Just look at this picture like this:
$5 per day for cigarettes = $150 per month.
$30 per day for alcohol (Like KG suggested) = $120 per month.

It is almost $300 per month, and $3600 per year. Even if we send 3/5 thousand per year, that really helps parents a lot.

This still doesn't answer your question "How do you all handle this?" though.

When parents' demand is for genuine reason of गास, बास र कपास, then it really bogs you everytime. You cannot sleep without having a thought about it everyday.

I don't believe the question was raised from the perspective basic necessity. For that, you better get a weekend job and make sure your parents are fed/housed and well clad. I think the discussion is the extravagant expectations just for the fun of it. Well, why not if the money grows in the trees in the US from their perspective... Just my 2 cents..

Do you guys no any easiest way to transfer money to Nepal like citi bank of india does?I too need send them.

maranchyase:
"When parents' demand is for genuine reason of गास, बास र कपास, then it really bogs you everytime. You cannot sleep without having a thought about it everyday. "

No, this is not the case here...Wrong scenario.

naake:
No the question is not about having to sacrificing your habits to send the money back. I don't smoke but only drink socially...if that helps. And No it still don't answer my original question. Which means one of the following
- 1st type: either most of you folks have this issue but ignore it every day one way or the other.
- 2nd type: must of this face this issue but handle it somehow but not open to discuss in public forum
- 3rd type: Parents are understanding and are content with either what they have or what you occassionally send once in a while.
- 3rd type: Like me unable to handle it effectively and actively looking for a genuine suggestion/solution.

newlynew:
U are right on the money here...why not if the money grows in U.S...ha ha ha so true...

Any other?

I have used moneytonepal.com many times and worked like a charm every time. Which also answers some of you who are wondering if I send anything at all...and the answer is Yes I do!

Parents are parents, they will always be. They have taken care of us when we needed them the most and it is perfectly natural for them to expect that we take care of them when they need us the most. If you feel pressured and do not want to send them financial help just let them know. We should help our parents out of love and respect not out of compulsion. If you do not feel compelled to help your parents (either they do not need or you cannot) let them know.

Do not take parents comments out of context when they say falana le ta yeti pathauncha. Try to put yourself in their shoes and you would have done the same thing if you were in your dad's position.

My grandfather keeps writing to my dad asking yeti lakh ra uti lakh like every month. He always makes some excuse to ask money on the phone or in letter.
He has enough land in ktm, pokhara and in villages. He used to be a lawyer and has bank saving accounts in many places. while i was back in nepal, i had checked his pass books, he had tons of lakhs in different bank accounts, I was surprised and i know he has never used that money yet. He has other sons in nepal who are in high position in government offices, they are also helping him always as he demands.

We had phupu's wedding few years back, he spent few lakhs for that. when divided to all the sons, it was 40 thousand rs per head. but he demanded 4 lakhs to cover the wedding expenses with my father, just because he is in usa. That time he was just a university student, struggling with his masters degree and working less than 20 hours in college. Guess, what would be his income then? He was married than with 4 kids and spouse.

I never see the need of money for him but he always needs it. I don't know what he wanna do just collecting it in the bank accounts and just giving it away to his favorite son and daughter...

Brothers of my father also keep pushing my grandfather to ask more and more saying, he makes almost 50 to 70 times better than we do here.
They don't understand that we have a big family three kids are in college.
all they want is MONEY. DAMN!!!
Everytime my father goes back to nepal, they offer their village land to buy in bulk. What would we do with that village land? That also the part which has landslided.

They are too greedy, when they had to seperate from the joint family, all other brothers didnt want to share their houses, property(jagga/ghaderi) in ktm, pokhara, around, etc.
BUT they asked my father to split piece of land bought in ktm. LOOSERS!

If the parents are greedy like that, there is no reason to help them no matter they gave u the birth and sent u USA for your better future.

If your parents are really dependable, has no income and you are the only source of expect, you MUST help them.

I hope your parents are not greedy like my grandfather.

Thanks for reading.

I agree with mahila nani...if the parents are in real need then its good thing to help..but if the parents are rich themself and expect money every three months having lots of bills and family over here ..its hard...i think parents think it is easy to earn money over here not seeing the expenses.......not all parents are like that expecting also.....

Like everybody here, I had the same problem but it was a blessing through disguise. My parents came to visit me for graduation. It was the perfect time to show them how hard it is here and that money DOES NOT grow on TREES. I showed them all the horror side of this culture, life and the expenses. Not only I hit the bulls's eye, I was able to get lots of sympathy instead. Now they've completely stopped pushing me with craps and I'm more peaceful and more focused.
Try this folks, it might help you too. Invest some money and bring them for a vacation. Little bit of investment might take you a long way.
Jai Nepal

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I am sure there are who demand and keep demanding from their kids not knowing how hard the life is in US.
My dad did express his expectations from me but when I explained him the expenses, he understood. The key is communication.
Regardless of what they ask you can always tell them your situation and make them understand. They are parents and will understand their kids.

bidesh ma suna ko rukha falya jasto ni! bidesh gako bholi palta western union money transfer ma gaera paisa pathai halchan jasto! hahaa, kahile kahin ta sunda pani haas uthera aaucha. i live with parents, tara nepal ko afno nata gota ko kura sunda tauko bhaari huncha!

मेरो बा को त झन् कुरै अर्को, ओहो, एक पटक सम्झायो, सम्झिने, अनि फेरि अलि पछि 'बाबु पैसा' भनि हाल्ने। मुख्य कुरा पाच दश हजार मागे त केहि थियेन, लाख लाख देखि तलको कुरै छैन, त्यो जापान जाने गाँउको ठिटा हरुले टन्न पैसा पठाएर के के किनेछन, म पहिले उनि हरु भन्दा टाठो केटो थिएँ, तेसले गर्दा मैले त झन धेरै पठाउनु पर्ने भन्ने सोचाइ छ,

के गर्ने। म त वाक्क भै सकें, सम्झायो, सम्झायो, सधैं उस्तै, कहिले त मेरै गल्ति हो कि झैँ लाग्छ, रियल्लि

Here's my rule:

Alot a budget to send home every year, how much depends on how much you save, earn or spend, whatever, atleast US$1500 a year if you make 1500 a month, none if they are well off, more if you understand the financial problems at home, try to save a little more for unexpected and genuine requests.

If they do request for more than you can afford, you be the judge and handle it the best way that you can, but don't ruin yourself financially unless you beleive you can handle it and the need is dire. You don't have to fulfill all their requests because they don't get the picture. They never provided you with everything you wanted as a child haina? So you be the judge. Pathauna ta parcha.

Let them know that you have expenses, if they are constantly expecting money don't tell them you got a scholarship but let them have a brief idea of how much your expenses are and there's not really much left to save or send back home. But remember you have money if the need is dire. Don't tell them though. I'm expecting you should be saving something.

And just because you have money don't keep sending them, they'll keep expecting. If they just don't understand just don't listen to them and continue to send them how much you can afford.

This should be the most funniest threads that i have seen in this sajha site, the place where the NEPRICANS meet.............
fother muckers, either your parents are cheap arses asking money for nothing or you are cheap arses that dont see the point in helping those parents of yours who sent u to america beacue you thought america was good place to make a living.............
what good is that if you cant make a lil spare money to give it to your parents ??????? or what good is coming to AMerica if you cant even make a lil money to spare, its better in nepal cause atleast from the cities i see a lot of young guys sending money back to the villages to thier parents........
tei mooji bau ley jeans kinidiyo, cycle motorcycle kini diyo aba tei bau lai ali kati daam pathaunu yetro aftero.............cheap NEPRICAN moooji haru.........the whole NEPRICAN breed is cheap thats a certain fact.........

Hey all, and specially Mahila Nani !

well, it is true that people do expect a lot more back in Nepal. as MAHILA NANI says his own experiences seen himself expectations of a father from his son.

well, it is true that one should explain to his parents the real situations . It is true who will understand if not parents!

But the environment, the trend,n the circumstances in Nepal and the people are so exploited that it is hard to convince.

We are also responsible for these sort of expectations araises. I remember one story that i read somewhere ....

A clerk came to office late. The boss asked him why he was late. He replied his boss that he was late becaue he had only one set of office clothes, the clothes couldn't dry up on time so that made him come office late.
The Boss seemed convinced and felt sympathy too. He ordered new pair of dresses to the Clerk. The clerk was happy and thanked to his boss. Next day, he asked his boss, 'you know I DO NOT HAVE CUPBORD TO KEEP THESE CLOTHES' . The boss provided him cupborad too. Later he asked, in fact, he did not have a room to keep the cupboard as well. The boss Provided him a room too, later the Clerk asked him he needed suitable bed for the room, some kitchen items, even TV and so so .. .. The boss was kind enough and provided too ..... Later he asked the boss ,' Boss, I do have my children, and the single room is so much conjusted to live 4 people.' He demanded more rooms ..a small hosue would be better .

The boss was so fed up that he asked the clerk to return the pair of dress he gave him earlier !

Guys, think yourself whether you are making yourself causes of over expectations of your parents !

but here i do not mean do not help at all ! it is the example of how expectations increases !

cheers

तेस्तै हो बाबु हो,
बाउआमाले पैसो त मागिहाल्छन्
छोराको सम्पतिमा चयन गर्नपाए किन गर्दैनथे त?
पुग्दो सहयोग गर बाबु हो !

I like ac/dc 's idea the most above everyone else. You are the winner! I am following that..Budgeting and saving and when they ask, giving them from that account is the best way to go. You can chip in whenever you have a little extra you can put into that account like say 100-200/month and when time comes once or twice a year..send them from that account..This is the best solution and will keep everyone happy.
Regards

Revival